Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and not been able to go back to sleep? There wasn’t a scary dream, loud noise, or any discernable reason for you to be awake. For some reason you are just wide awake at say 3:30 AM?
That has happened to me a lot this week.
The first time I woke up around 3, and laid in bed and fought to go back to sleep until 4:30. Once I gave up on that and left the bedroom, I sat down and asked God what exactly it was that I was doing up so early. Since he is a faithful father, his response was quick. “I want you to be desperate for me today.”
UGH…. That word. Desperate. It’s something that God has been teaching me this month. What it is to be desperate for Him. To want more of Him, and to grow in my relationship with Him. So I really shouldn’t have been surprised that was what he wanted to teach me.
I didn’t really understand how that was going to work though, so he explained. “I want you to have to rely on me for everything today. For the energy to make it through ministry. For patience to deal with people. For the words to speak. For the joy that you have. For everything.”
And I was. It wasn’t the easiest of days. It isn’t the easiest of months. There are moments when this thing called the World Race is HARD. There are moments when you really don’t understand culture, and everything seems to be backwards and upside down. There are moments when you don’t necessarily agree with what is being taught around you. There are moments when you realize you have to leave people that you have grown to love. There are moments when you realize what God is calling you to next, and it’s scary. Every one of those moments happened that day.
Every moment I had to be desperate for the Lord to guide me, give me strength, give me energy, show love through me; and it was HARD.
At the end of that first day I was tired, but God is good. He was faithful to be my energy, to be my joy, to show love through me. He showed up when I didn’t think I could take another step, or sing another song, or edit another page.
He reminded me that He wants me to be desperate for Him so that He can be my hero. So he can show up and take care of me. That he wants to be my knight in shining armor.
So the next night when I woke up at 3:30 again I was much more enthusiastic about getting out of bed. As I sat in the den of our host’s home, God laid it on my heart to pray for the guys who live here. (A little back story, this month our team is living with a different ministry than who we are working with. We are staying with an American woman named Jackie, and 14 Zambian guys- ages 15-27. I’ll tell you more about them in a second.)
So I opened a new note on my phone, it was dark, and listed their names. I thought it was going to be some generic prayer for all of them. That they would grow into men of God, that they would see themselves the way the Father sees them. That they would step into their role as sons.
I was wrong.
As I prayed for them the Holy Spirit showed up. God revealed things about these guys that I never would have known. God asked me to pray bold prayers over them. To pray for healing mentally, physically, and emotionally. The more I prayed the more the love that the Father has for these guys overwhelmed me.
By the time everyone else woke up I was jazzed, I had been awake for about 3 hours by that point. I was bouncing around, so ready to share what God was showing me about them. As soon as I saw one of them who I had prayed healing over I grabbed him and prayed over him in person. I probably looked a little loony, but that’s ok.
That morning I got to share with the guys what God had been showing me. I left out specifics but I was able to tell them how deeply they are loved. I got to pour out a message that was straight from the Father’s heart, and it was so cool. Then as a family (all the people currently living in the house) we prayed healing over the guys who needed it.
God has woken me up to a lot on the World Race. He has shown me a lot about myself and about himself. Sometimes it is through someone else’s words. Sometimes it’s through scripture. And sometimes he literally wakes me up in the middle of the night.
Next time you are awakened in the dead of night and can’t seem to go back to sleep, I want to challenge you to take a second and ask God if he is trying to get your attention. Ask Him if he wants you for something. Chances are He wants to speak to you.
I love and miss all of you, and I would love to know how I can be praying for you! Please comment below, I love knowing who out there is reading all my ramblings!
Love you all!
Audrey
