Who do you think you are?
Really take a second and think about what your identity is. Who are you?
If you’re like me you can rattle off the things you know you’re supposed to think you are, and that’s great, but doesn’t answer the question.
Who do you think you are?
I realized before I left for the World Race who I said I was, and who I thought I was were two totally different people. I would say all the right things about my identity that Christians were supposed to say.
I would say I was a daughter of the Lord. I would say I was forgiven and free. I would say I was loved. I would say all these things, yet I didn’t quite believe them.
I realized not long before I left for the race I didn’t know how to trust those things above were true. I didn’t know how to trust the Lord. I didn’t know how to find my identity in Christ. I didn’t know how to trust that God was good and has good plans for me.
I was living a double life: the one that people on the outside saw and the one in my head. On the outside people saw all this good in me, and I struggled to see any of it. I didn’t see any of these positive attributes that others seemed to see. I saw my sin and failures and wondered how they didn’t see that as well.
I wondered how God didn’t just look at my sin. I wondered why in the world He would choose me to further His kingdom. I felt so inadequate and scared. The days before I left for the race I struggled so much with feeling worthy of the call to follow Christ. I was so scared of failing that I very nearly ran away from this great adventure.
Then I got on the field, and I got real with my team. I shared with them all my junk so to say, and yet they loved me. They know more about me than just about anyone else on this earth, and they love me all the same. Something started to click.
Last night as I was walking down the street, a realization hit me and it nearly made me stop in the middle of a sidewalk market. If these girls, who are totally human and flawed, can still love me knowing my sin how much more can the Father? If they, knowing my past and my sin, can look at me and still see good, how much more can God?
He knows all I have done in the past and will do in the future, yet He loves me so deeply still. He loves me not because of what I do, but because of who I am.
These past six weeks of being on the field I haven’t done any super incredible things, but something pretty freaking cool has happened. I’ve figured out who I am. I have figured out something I have been searching for. For years I have wanted to know how to find my worth in the Lord, and I have figured it out.
Trust.
One scary word. Trusting the Lord is a choice I have to make every day, but it is one of the best things I can do. Without trust, I can say all the right things all day long, but I will never believe they are truth. Without trust, you will always be living a double life.
A few days ago I wrote this in my journal,
“I love walking in the peace of who I am. I am Audrey Ray, daughter of the creator of the universe. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am bold. I am joyous. I am strong. I am powerful. I am loved. I am free. I am forgiven. I am enough. I am yours. I am protected. Father that’s who I am. Who cares what the world says, I know what you say.”
The freedom of walking in the truth of who you are is so incredible. I pray as you read this, you will know who you are. If you struggle with that though, know I understand. Know trusting God still kind of scares me some days, but know when you make the choice to walk in trust; it is totally worth it.
Start small, the more you do it the easier it gets.
Love you all!
Audrey
