One of the lies I have believed for so long is that I am
forgettable. I can’t even count
the number of times I have met someone and when I see them a few days later they
have no idea who I am. I’ve come
to realize that is what I expect.
I expect people to not remember me. I brace myself for the moment when I have to introduce
myself yet again.
There is one instance that stands out in my mind most
clearly. I had met a particular
guy who I went to college with on three different occasions. Each time I met him, he would introduce
himself to me and then ask me my name as if we had never met. He just so happened to show up at the
wedding of a friend. I was standing
with my parents when my dad struck up a conversation with this particular guy. My dad was telling him that I
was thinking about participating in a mission’s opportunity through our
college. So…the guy turned to me
and introduced himself…again.
There was a moment where I had a decision to make. I could introduce myself for the fourth
time or I could let the guy know we had in fact met before. I chose the later, shook his hand and
said “yeah, we’ve met…a couple times.” I remember feeling so embarrassed that
my parents had witnessed what I had hoped they would never know about me, that
I didn’t have my dads charm and my moms beauty that draws people in, that I was
in fact a “forgettable” and I was so incredibly sick of feeling that way!
The other day Liz, Matt and I were driving in the car on the
way to a recruiting event. Matt
and I were talking and for some reason he said my name… “Audrey”. It took me by surprise. I was shocked…he knew my name. Then, a couple days later I was in a
meeting with my boss, Jimmy.
Again, the same thing happened.
He said my name… “Audrey”.
I was so shocked that I completely lost focus of what we were talking
about because he had called me by my name.
Why was I so shocked that my co-worker and my boss knew my name?!
I think part of it goes back to the lie that I am
forgettable. I think the other
part has to do with the desert season I have been walking through. I have mentioned in two of my last
blogs that I am in a season of walking through a dry/lonely season but I still choose to believe in God. The thing is that in the midst of the season I seem to have forgotten who I am. I have lost what little confidence I
had before this season started.
The crazy thing is, I’m kind of okay with that. I know that God is going to restore
me. I know that He will tell me
exactly who I am. He will speak
His truth and life over me. By
saying I am okay with not knowing who I am, I am not saying it is easy. It actually hurts more than I could
have imagined. I just know that
God redeems and He would not take me through this for no reason. It is so easy for me to tell the orphan and the widow that they are not forgotten and that God will never leave them or forsake them. It’s a little harder to tell myself that same truth.
My name is Audrey.
I was named after my Grandma Audrey. My name means “Noble Strength”. I really like my name.
