Staying present is hard to do.
I get so excited thinking about seeing my brothers again or about just laying in my own bed and looking up at a familiar ceiling.
I get overwhelmed thinking about how to explain the past year of my life to everyone.
I get anxious thinking about what I’ll do for a job in this next season of life.
It’s good to begin preparing for re-entry, but I know I need to stay focused on my time here, wherever Jesus has me.
Not just the physical location or ministry He’s placed me in, but on the little life lessons He’s continually walking me through and the habits He’s breaking me of or the disciplines He’s instilling in me.
I so easily forget the goodness of our God. But He’s really good at reminding me in the most surprising ways.
In our current location we’ve been running into a few issues with housing and the local government. Nothing serious, just annoying.
Especially when there’s a language barrier and you can’t really get everything clarified quickly or easily. And as a leader you know the people you’re leading will have questions and want answers that you just don’t have.
So for a few days I’ve felt pretty unsettled as the team leaders and I are trying our best to make sure these teams are well taken care of, but knowing there really isn’t much we can do until we get more information.
And that just happens slowly over time.
Patience is something I’ve had to practice a lot this year, so this month is really no different.
But, honestly, even though I seemed patient and calm on the outside, my mind was reeling through questions and scenarios.
Will we have running water? What about heat? How will we get food to eat? What if…?
I was worried that we weren’t going to be taken care of.
In the midst of these concerns I had my own selfish desires.
We’ve been eating a lot of soup, bread, and potatoes lately and all I really wanted the other day was an apple.
A cold, crisp, red apple.
Sounds delightful, doesn’t it?
Later that particular day I was wandering around our ministry site trying to find signal for my AIM phone so I could let Doug and Colleen know I couldn’t make it to our skype call with the office. I really hate missing things and was bummed I was spending most of my rest time trying to send a stupid text. But as I was standing in the middle of this dusty road looking for cell service, a little old Russian man popped his head over the fence and began talking to me.
I know maybe a total of 7 Russian words/phrases and not all of them are appropriate (thank you Laura..), so all I did was smile, shrug my shoulders and occasionally nod my head. After about a minute he realized I couldn’t understand him so he nodded and walked back into his home. I continued standing awkwardly in the middle of the road pointing my tiny phone up toward the sky hoping that extra foot of elevation would safely send my message into space and do whatever it is cell phones do.
A few minutes later I hear the little Russian man again and see his little head pop back over the fence. He starts speaking to me and once again I can’t understand him, but then he reaches his arm out over the fence to hand me something.
Guess what he’s holding?
A cold, crisp, red apple.
No joke.
I stared at him in bewilderment.
Jesus? Is that you?
I walked over, took the apple and thanked him (finally an appropriate Russian word I can use. Thank you Larisa!). We smiled at each other then he walked away and I was once again standing alone in the middle of the road.
I was reminded in that moment that Jesus cares about even the littlest details of our lives.
In that moment I didn’t need an apple. But earlier in the day I had made that request known. And He delivered. (Philippians 4:6)
So why should I worry about anything?
Right now, we have a place to sleep. We have water. We have food.
Will we have those things tomorrow?
Probably.
But who really knows?
What I do know, though, is He is faithful.
He will provide the things I truly need when I need them.
And sometimes,
just for fun
and because He loves me,
He’ll give me an apple too.
“Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!…And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” -Luke 12:24,29-31
