The first submission of this post didn't turn out right. So here is the revised one! Sorry for any inconvenience 🙂
This past week I've found myself looking through old journals to read notes from conferences and speakers I've been to during my time involved with CRU at OSU. I was encouraged by the wisdom these people imparted to me, but what I was most surprised by was the way I prayed back then.
I have pages and pages filled with fervent and sincere prayers for coworkers, friends, and family. Until I read those, I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I prayed like that. So honest and open. Seemingly so in-tune with the Spirit of God.
Over the past few months I've been praying that my desires and God's desires for me would be the same. That me wanting to go on the World Race isn't just some fleeting desire solely fueled by my emotions, but rather Spirit driven.
Then last night on my computer I found an old prayer/song I recorded last spring after I realized I couldn't intern with JESUSFilm because it conflicted with a required school internship. When I was accepted for the JFM internship I was ecstatic and was even able to make it to a weekend of training. I was going to spend a year leading teams to take the Gospel to some of the most unreached places of the world. But then it was like everything fell apart. I couldn't go. I had to finish school.
Listening to this prayer/song brings a great reminder and encourages me in believing that going on the World Race is truly God's answer to the prayer and desire of my heart. And it's not a new desire. God has been preparing me for years – my whole life even – to be exactly where I am right now and leading me into the many unknowns of bringing His name to the nations this next year. I don't even have the words to tell you how excited I am about what is ahead!
So I'll share (<— 🙂 )with you the cry of my heart from last year and how true it still is to me even now. The recording is quiet, so it may be hard to hear, but here are the words:
Father, teach me how to love You and be loved by You
Oh Father, come now and show me just a glimpse of Your glory
Oh Father, I'm ready and waiting to be used by You
So send me where You will
Send me where You will
Father, drown out temptations and all these earthly desires
Oh Father, complete me and make me burn with Your Spirit's fire
Send me where You will
Send me where You will
'cause I'll go wherever You're leading me and I'll go right now
I'll go to bring Your name glory and I'll go right now
Father, teach me to wait for and hear Your voice
Oh Father, show me that Your will is not my choice
Send me where You will
Send me there I'll go
Send me here I'll stay
Just send me where You will
Father, break me for my heart is not my own
Oh Father, sweet Father, I'm longing for my heavenly home.
