As I look at
the past year of my life I think of all that the Lord has done. He has healed people immediately of minor and
major sicknesses, multiplied food when there was need, set the captives free by
casting out demons, given favor in time of great trouble, and given protection
and guidance as I traveled from country to country. God has been so good and faithful!
However,
being back to the states has been more challenging than I anticipated. Since being back I have known God but I have
not “experienced� God in the ways I have in the past year. The God I have known before June 2011 has
been a God of abundance, favor, and great power. These are still all attributes of God but in
the last 4 ½ months I have known God differently.
I am
currently reading a book entitled, “Shattered Dreams� by Larry Crabb. This book is helping me to pinpoint by
disappointment I have with myself and with God due to my expectations of being
back to the States. One insight that Mr.
Crabb shares is that we, as American Christians, feel entitled to quick
sanctification and happiness at all times.
(STOP. Side
note: If you feel offended by the
specific term of “American Christians� check yourself and take it to the
Lord. Reality is that as American’s we
do have our own type of Christianity that we need to get in order with God.)
We openly confess
God wants us to have a good life and to be happy. We also boldly claim that “All things work together
for our good� and that “everything helps us to God.� The latter of these two statements are true
but we tend to claim them according to our terms. I have been learning that God does not and
most likely will not work things out the way I think that He should.
This is
where our entitlement comes in. “I am a
follower of God, I try to be obedient, I ‘sacrifice’ my time and money. For
goodness sake I have given Him a year of my life; I deserve to live in the
fullness of Christ.� When we find
ourselves saying these things we should recognize that we only know God as the
One who gives us stuff not as our Lord. It
is here we have missed the point, we have missed God.
God does not
owe us anything; it is in His goodness that He fulfills His promises in our
lives. God is continually trying to
bring us to the point where we listen to our heart’s true desire that we should
return to our first love. If that means
God withholds His provision for a time in order to bring us to this place then
so be it. It does not change who He is
but it will change who we are.
In these
times so often we become so offended and discouraged because God did not work
out things as He should have. We blame
God for being unfaithful and lose trust in Him.
I believe that through these breaking times we come to realize that in
all actuality we have trusted ourselves and our ways of thinking. We have only failed ourselves, God did not
fail us.
Maybe that
is why God allows us to “work out our own salvation� and fail in our ways in
order to come to the end of ourselves and that we not only need God but also desire
God and His ways. For God’s ways and
plans are perfect and He truly “works all things together for our good,�
knowing that He draws us closer to Him.
Being back
in the States has been more challenging than I expected and my life looks
different than I planned it to be. Even
though I have not been back on the field yet God has done me a greater service,
He’s drawn me closer to Him!
