I stood silently, fist wrapped tightly around the pendent hanging from my necklace.
“Place your hand wherever it needs to be to receive this.”
I stretched out my fingers and pressed my hand firmly against my chest.
30 other alumni racers (cus that’s what we are now, weird) stood around me, our plastic chairs squeaking as they eased back to their natural form of not having 100+ pounds of pressure resting on them.
“I want to warn you guys. I don’t normally do things like this, but the Lord wants me to so here it goes. This is gonna be kinda loud, okay? Are you ready?”
I think so…
I had no idea what to expect. But there I stood, expectant.
“WAAAAKEEE UUUUPPPP!!!!”
Kenny Sacht had just spoken to us about doing our dream and now he was shouting over us.
“WAKE UP!”
I half expected the words “dang it” to slip out at the end that second time.
And although I had been warned, I still jumped. He was speaking to our spirits. Because they needed to come alive if we really are gonna ‘do our dream.’
I’m currently at an event called Project Searchlight. It’s a week-long conference of sorts for World Racers who have just returned from the field. It’s filled with squad reunions, worship, sessions about re-entry, and break-out sessions to help you practically approach the next season of your life. The break-outs are what are more unique to you, as you have 3 to choose from every day. I chose “Do Your Dream,” “How to Make Sound Financial Decisions,” and “Putting the World Race on a Resume.”
I think it’s pretty clear what’s on my radar.
When I was in month 11 of the Race (so, like, a little over a month ago), I heard about an upcoming trip for World Race alumni called Kingdom Journeys Storytellers. It was created by Julia Robertson, T Squad Story Leader, who had returned from the field just two months before me.
It sounded cool, but I didn’t have time in that moment to look into it.
That night, I got on Facebook and our squad coach had posted a link to the trip in our Y Squad FB page. The first comment read “Aubrey, this trip was MADE for you!” I clicked on the link.
Basically, AIM is sending a team of 7 filmmakers to Thailand, Cambodia, and Myanmar for three months to create short films about what God is doing in those countries.
Dang, this trip was kinda made for me. Or, at least, people like me.
You see, I run on gut instincts. It’s how God speaks to me and it’s how I know I’m moving in the right direction. And in this moment, there was no feeling of excitement. No ounce of me considered applying for this trip.
Still, teammates have continued to encouraged me to sign up.
Am I just being apathetic? Should I be more interested in this? Is this my next step and I’m just too wrapped up in what I’m doing to even realize it?
So, JUST IN CASE, I decided to go to the meeting to find out more about the trip. I got to hear the heart behind it, what they’re hoping to achieve, and ask all my burning questions. Except…I didn’t really have any. This meeting did nothing to sway me in any direction.
I still had a lot of questions spinning in my head before confirming my “no.”
I sat in worship that night and rested my forehead in my hands.
Lord, I can’t hear you right now. You’re gonna have to send someone to come speak over me. I need to know for sure that this trip is NOT what you have for me right now.
You wouldn’t believe what happened next unless you, too, were a sleep-deprived recently-returned World Racer.
I fell asleep. In the middle of worship.
“WAKE UPP!!!”
Nobody yelled at me that time, but that’s exactly what it felt like when my friend Stephen placed his hand on my back and began praying over me. I was so disoriented as I came out of my ill-timed slumber, straining my ears to hear his prayer over the praise band.
In that prayer, the Lord confirmed all that He had for me in this next season and that, no, this does not include Kingdom Journeys Storytellers.
I later had to tell the creators of the trip that I would not be attending. And while I was expecting to be met with disappointment, all I received was grace.
Grace and encouragement. Because I had listened to the Lord and was obeying Him. Of course they would be happy about that. Should’ve known.
I walked away from this wondering what my partnership with AIM looks like in the future. Will there be a Kingdom Journey’s Storytellers trip to Greece? Will I be leading that trip? Will I come work for World Race Films one day?
I have no idea.
And if there’s anything Project Searchlight has taught me, it’s that it’s okay to not know. Sometimes you have a multiple-choice question from God in front of you and the answer is “yes.” Any of the above.
He trusts us to make our own decision.
So be encouraged. Whether you’re a World Racer coming back to the real world or just someone with a lot of options in front of you. You’ve got this. Take that tiny step towards doing your dream, trust that the Lord’s got your back, and breathe.
