“Beyonce pro-feminist music? DO YOU NOT FEAR GOD?!”
An internet troll commented these, what I first read as sarcastic, words on my World Race Training Camp video back in July. Since then, he has left many negative comments on other videos and has been blocked from my channel.
But that’s besides the point.
His first comment (when I still thought he was joking) got me thinking. Do I fear God? More importantly, what the hell does that even mean?
I’ve grown up in the church my whole life, even attended two different youth groups through high school. I’ve heard the term “fear God” sitting amongst campers deep in Ceta Canyon, from the pews of churches, and even from a witty Rory Gilmore to a young Jess Mariano (I hope you got that reference, but just in case, that’s some Gilmore Girls for ya).
Something I heard time and time again at Training Camp is that the devil likes to tell us lies (duh), and his favorite lie is to tell us that whatever we’re feeling or thinking is going on inside my head only. My heart only.
So, when we hear something in church that we don’t understand, he likes to tell us that we’re idiots. That we’re the only person who doesn’t get it and you better not speak up to ask about it because nobody will think you’re a true Christian.
I’m just gonna go ahead and let you know that that is bullshit (sorry dad). The whole point of living in Christian community is to speak up, press in, and ask those hard questions.
So I did.
Earlier in month one of the race in the back roads of Mrcajevci, Serbia, I was riding bikes along side my teammates Austin and Haley. We had gotten in to some deep conversation and started asking questions about things we didn’t understand from scripture and lessons we’d heard in the past.
Here’s your chance, God whispered.
“So I have kind of a dumb question,” I said, clearly still giving some power to the enemy. “What does it mean to fear God? I’ve heard that phrase a lot and never really understood what it meant.”
“That’s not stupid,” Austin assured.
Haley took this one: “I’ve always understood it to mean that he has so much power, like could straight up strike us with lightening right now, and he chooses to love and protect us. He has all the power in the universe, and that’s what he chooses to do. To love us unconditionally.”
It clicked. Everything came together.
Then, to make sure I had it all clear, God sent me another message. I was listening to my church’s podcast when they spoke on fearing the Lord and compared it to how the children in the Chronicles of Narnia series view Aslan.
If you’ve read the series, you know the four kids reacted strongly just from hearing his name. One felt inspired, another thought they could do anything, one felt convicted, and the youngest smelled a sweet aroma that reminded her of home.
Between the four of them, they felt comforted and afraid.
It was only then when they found out Aslan was a lion. “Is he safe?” They asked their new friends. “No, of course he’s not safe. But he’s good.”
This opened my eyes to a new facet of God’s character. His power and omnipotence means he is capable of anything. That’s what makes him not safe. His love, grace, and unending mercy is what makes him good. SO. GOOD.
He’s a good, good father y’all. (Sorry I’ve been on the world race for five months now and I couldn’t not put that lyric in there. Deal).
This realization has been huge for me. A major theme of my race. So I did something with that.
I got this tattoo.
This acts as a constant reminder of God’s love and power. It represents a time when I grew closer to Him and found a new characteristic of a God who loves me.
So thanks, internet troll, for bringing me closer to my Father. I’ll never forget that.
