I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired. My head is throbbing. There's an uncontrollable stirring in my heart. I'm nervous. I'm excited. My stomach is in knots. Food seems somewhat repulsive. I miss home. I miss having my family near. I'm on the brink of insanity. Why are there people everywhere?!?
Can you believe I haven't even left the country yet???
My emotions are driving me crazy and I cannot seem to find a way to tame them. What is wrong with me? I have to believe that other World Racers have felt this way. I have to believe that they ARE FEELING this way.
There is so much anticipation and preparation that goes into the World Race. Believe it or not, it's not just something that you can jump into. It doesn't just happen. With fundraising and gathering supplies. Reading blogs and watching former racers videos. Everything done in preparation, every bit of anticipation welling inside is just halted upon arriving at launch.
It's not that my excitement stopped or even that I am unprepared. I am all these things and more. It's just that I am suddenly hit with the reality of it all. While sitting on an airplane it all gets very VERY real.
Launch is defined as something that is released, catapulted, or sent off. This is me. Sent off, catapulted in more descriptive terms, into the World. I am to be the hands and feet of Jesus himself. I very well know that life is not going to get easier from here. There will be days that I want to go home above all else. Days that I am tired of seeing the hurt and hunger in a young child's eyes. Days that everyone around me seems to rub me the wrong way. Days I feel I cannot handle it any longer.
But I know this step is worth the struggle. Maybe that's the best word I can articulate to describe how I feel about launch. It's a struggle. I am facing it head on and I still can't help but shut my eyes.
But this one thing I know…
This is exactly where God wants me. I am sure of this. When all is said and done. When I am officially launched and safely in Romania, Ukraine and beyond. This is the mission that God has called me to. I just need a willingness to look past my emotions and let God grow and change me, no matter the struggle that goes into it all.
