I woke up on Wednesday in my hammock from the cold morning air of Georgia. I had been up most of the night with bad dreams, dreams that reminded me of drowning and not being able to catch my breath. My stomach was queasy and I couldn’t stop shaking, the world was spinning around me.
The night before, I had decided I was going to get baptized. I had heard a faint whisper earlier in the week from God saying “I’m going to baptize you” but it hadn’t made sense. We were busy and the timing just didn’t seem right. I wasn’t ready to be baptized. But here we were, the only squad camping on the lake and all the pieces fell together, I was going to be baptized.
However, early Wednesday morning, I was rethinking all of that. My stomach was hurting and I kept throwing up. There was a voice in my head that kept saying, “if you don’t get in that water, all the pain you’re feeling right now will stop” and the words “don’t do it, don’t do it” kept running through my head. I wanted all the pain to stop; I didn’t want to get in the water.
I sat on the ground below camp and prayed for an answer. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if getting baptized was the right choice for me anymore. Several of my squad mates came down and prayed over me. They prayed for healing and for the enemy to leave me alone. I started to feel ok but I still couldn’t shake the fear that had taken control of me the night before. The entire squad prayed over me shortly after and I decided that I was going to get baptized, that God was bigger than any of the things I was feeling.
As we entered the freezing water, Ben and Laura spoke about baptism. I still wanted to throw up but pushed through. I told the group why I wanted to be baptized and then Ben baptized me. As I came up out of the water, all the sickness and fear I had been feeling instantly disappeared. I was free.
Before training camp, I didn't believe in miracles. I didn't believe that depression could be taken away, that people who hurt you in the worst ways could be forgiven, or even that God really loved me.
But that week in the Georgia woods taught me that Jesus heals. He heals wounds so deep and buried away inside of you that you never thought they’d be found again. They were covered by bitterness, anger, and resentment. Jesus heals them. He pours so much love into you that you come out the other side walking a lighter, standing differently, feeling free.
