I don't think I realized how hard it would be to embark and fully dedicate myself to going on the race. I thought that it would be so much easier than this. I didn' t realize that I would constantly be knocked down by the devil and have to continue to fight to stay in this and to keep going…
I've never been so sure of doing something in my life. You'd think that this would make going on this trip easy but it doesn't. There has continued to be days since I accepted this path that I just want to quit. Heck, it'd be about 10 times easier to just not go…
God, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD?
Sometimes I find myself screaming this at Him.
Why are you allowing all of these challenges and why am I struggling? Can't you just make this an easy choice? Can't you let me do this without challenging me?
A life without the World Race would mean…
Getting a job right after graduation, staying here with my boyfriend, seeing my family, no stress of fundraising, no tears because I am in over my head all the time…
But it also means always wondering what if, never meeting my wonderful R-Squad family, coasting by with no purpose, settling.
I know God is calling me, I know that this is where I am supposed to be, I know that he has a plan, and I know that it will be ok.
So I just keep praying, begging for an answer of why he is challenging me. I pray that I will somehow understand this plan of his and will have the strength to follow this plan…
And then he tells me and I know the answer to why it has to be so hard.
These challenges are making me rely on Him more than I have in a long time. They are making me DEPEND on God and not on myself. He alone is strength and he alone is going to get me through this. I am finding peace in the fact that he has a PLAN and that he is going to see it through. He is bringing me to my knees. He is preparing me for the World Race and has been for a while… I just never knew it.
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "
Jeremiah 29:11
