My sophomore year, I was raped.
I'm starting this post off so bluntly because I've been typing and retyping the story for the last hour. I couldn't make it sound right, I guess the truth is there are no pretty words or good ways to say it. So my solution is to avoid the fluff and pretty words and just say it.
I think that this event explains so much about the person that I've become in the last 2 1/2 years. Its shaped me in to the person that I am today so I know that it is important for people to know. After it happend, I hit lows that I didn't know were possible. I covered them well from people but most days, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and never come out of my room. Panic attacks became a frequent part of my life and going out with friends on the weekends turned into movie nights and sitting around my apartment with people i trusted.
Needless to say, I've come a long way since then.
I've heard the question asked, "how can you believe in a God that would let something like this happen to you?" Honestly, I don't really have a concrete answer to this. I don't know why God let this happen to me, I don't know why he lets it happen to so many girls across the country.
I've poured my heart out to God a lot over the past 2 1/2 years about this and I still don't have an answer and I don't know if I ever will. I know that he has a plan for me and I know that this plays an important part in that plan.
I'm in a really good place with it right now and I continue to feel stronger with each passing day. Don't get me wrong, there are days where I still think about it but it doesn't consume me with the power it used to which is a victory.
And I'm choosing to say it here for the first time… to my rapist: I forgive you, you can no longer consume my life and I will not allow it any longer. I have a God who loves me more than anything else and that is so much more powerful than the horrible act you commited against me.
Sadly, too many girls(and boys) are going to relate to this post. To those people I just want to say, you're not alone and you've got a God that loves your more than anything. You'll get through this. It's not going to be easy and you'll probably never understand it completely. You'll have good days and bad days and that is ok. Don't be ashamed of the tears or the bad days. And it's ok to be angry, it's normal and it's healthy. Find people who can relate to your story and talk to them about it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You're going to be ok, God is going to make sure of it.
