There are blogs and there are updates. Updates are easy
because we just talk about our ministries or some cool safari we went on.
Blogs, however, are another story. When I sit down to write about the lessons
of the Lord, it can be a daunting task. Attempting to put into words what only
God can write on my heart is like a camel trying to walk through the eye of a
needle. This, in turn, leaves me feeling like John in the last sentence of his
gospel book.
“Now there are also
many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I
suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be
written.” John 21:25
On the World Race, revelations, lessons, and answers are things
we receive everyday. Our mere existence is about God and what He is doing in
and through us so trying to account for all of them would be a task in itself –
not to mention verbalizing them through a blog. Sometimes the lesson is for me
and only me. But from time to time, there are things we learn or experience
that simply must be shared with
others. This is one of those times.
Last week I was heavily burdened by a situation back home
and it captivated almost my whole focus for several days. I was deeply hurt by
someone at home who didn’t even realize they were hurting me. To make matter
worse, I am across the world from them and get Internet once a week. So a
conversation goes like this:
–
Week 1 – I type an email or some type of
communication back home expressing my feelings
–
Week 2- I receive a response email, think about
it and reply as quickly as possible because in Africa, you never know when the
Wi-Fi will go out unexpectedly.
–
Week 3- I may or may not receive a response from
the last email and if I do, the whole process starts over again. If I didn’t,
then another week goes by waiting for a response.
As you can see, it’s a bit difficult to have a conversation
with any substance if both parties aren’t extremely intentional and on their
A-game. I am a “get-it-over-with-as-fast-as-possible” kind of girl so it is
certainly a frustrating process. A situation that could be dealt with and
resolved in an hour or less takes three weeks – or in my case, more.
On this side of the world, though, life is very different. I
have a cell phone but most of the time I do not know where it is. I have my
computer but most of the time it’s dead and there’s no Internet. I have a
Kindle but all I want to read is my Bible. My point? On this side of the world,
life is about more than electronics, communication, and conflicts back home. Every 60 seconds an African child dies from
Malaria, a preventable and treatable disease. I live at an orphanage and on
a daily basis there are 18 incredible, playful, smiling orphans waiting to be
loved on. At any given time, one could be knocking on my bedroom window asking
us to come out and play. On this side of
the world, what’s in front of me seems a lot more in need of my attention than
the thing back home I’d really love to attend to.
Some days I feel pulled in three directions: upward (to
God), outward (to ministry), and backward (to life in the States). As you can
imagine, this predicament serves up an abundance of emotions. Some days are
satisfying, some are painful, some are fun, and some are very busy. Some days I
am uneasy and some days, I am content.
I’m sure you can feel the emotional breakdown coming.
So last Sunday morning getting ready for church, I was
uneasy. The knot in my stomach would not dissolve and no matter what I tried to
fix my thoughts on (Phil. 4:8), the enemy kept reminding me of the hurt I felt
from home. Sitting at the table, doing makeup with other girls, worship music
played and I sang along to one of my favorite Hillsong songs: “All
of my life, in every season, You are still God and I have a reason to sing. I
have a reason to worship.” I needed to hear that reminder, and for the
first time in a few days, I felt the knot dissolve. The words of praise
became louder than the whispering lies of the evil one. I wrote on the
inside of my palm, “You are still God. I have a reason to sing.”
On the way to church, surrounded by sweet songs of praise
coming from the lips of little African children, the Holy Spirit spoke to my
heart and it was a lesson I never want to forget. Simple, yet profound … and
just the thing I needed to be reminded of. I thought about how just a few days
before, I was happy and laughing. But my circumstances taught my heart to feel
otherwise. My emotions changed from one day to the next – and they still change
from one hour to the next.
But the peace I had when I sang about God still being
God has never changed. The joy we have when even the hardest things in
life attack us will never change. The love that we receive from the
Father will never change. Y’see, God is not an emotion. Some days I am happy
and others I am hurt. One hour I’m content and the next I could be anxious. My
emotions change but God does not.
Love is not an emotion.
Peace is not an emotion.
Joy is not an emotion.
Those things are given to us from God and they do not
change. He does not change.
He is still God and He is still on the throne. He is still
good.
I still have a reason to sing – I still have a reason to
worship.
