Ok, wow, well, huh, geeze, whew… I'm traveling around the world!!!!! Today I worked out my final draft of my letter I'll be sending out to hopefully every person on the planet I've ever met telling you all about my trip and asking for prayer and money to support me on my journey. Writing my support letter was surprisingly easy. I believe in what I am doing, I believe God is calling me to sacrifice and develop my heart in ways I can only begin to fathom. What's harder for me is this space I'm in, this period of almost inactivity, waiting to go. I think my discomfort with waiting, with peace, is why I rush into things so often. I am so willing to take care of last minute clients that pop up at work, throw an impromptu dinner party for 15 people, or jump into a car and just go. This keeps life exciting and helps counter my OCD nature of wanting everything to be planned and executed perfectly. I find when I embrace my spontaneity then I can skip over all of the worry, the tension and the waiting that goes hand in hand with big plans. I skip over it, without really having to deal with it.
Now I have to deal with this. I jumped into this trip, with a lot of prayer but also not much time thinking about what this will mean. I'm ok with the ambiguity of what we'll do on the trip, who I'll be with, what life will be like. What I'm struggling with is what can I do now? Why put myself thorough 5 months of waiting for this awesomeness to begin? How do I pace myself? Instead of rushing to get all this done in one month, my usual style, how can I start now, slog through, or better yet, enjoy all this preparation? I feel like God is already teaching me a lesson in inactivity. I'm sure on our trip there will be times we just sit, where I begin to question why I've given up everything, traveled across the world only to sit in a dusty field and contemplate, or rest or pray. I need to be ok with these moments, to embrace them, to not suck myself into a frenzy of activity or a stupor of laziness. God is showing me the middle ground, the steady, even keeled way of living. I think I am going to enjoy this!
