My squad has this thing going on right now where we’re all starting to get real vulnerable with each other; we’re growing and learning and becoming family. We’re allowing Christ to shine through our weaknesses to each other so that we might together, through Christ, be stronger than ever.
Vulnerability is a funny word.
The interwebs (yes I call the internet the interwebs…) says that the definition is: “the state of being vulnerable or exposed.”
Exposed…
Well… for me, I used to struggle with lying a lot in my life. I lied about everything to cover up who I really was… so I think that exposing myself, in the best way I know how, is just by telling the truth.
So
The truth is,
I am so far from perfect it’s not even funny.
I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others
There’s always someone with a skinnier waist,
Nicer clothes, a brighter smile, brighter eyes, amazing hair…
The list is endless.
I put myself down sometimes.
I struggle a lot with the way I look.
I can be incredibly self-conscious.
The truth is
I have a pride issue.
I have a hard time accepting help from anyone.
I want to do everything on my own.
I am not used to people caring.
The truth is
I am so stubborn.
I always make the same mistakes.
I give up way to easily.
People have given up on me.
There are times when I have stopped believing in myself.
The truth is
I’m still hurting.
My heart is still hurting and full of so much pain.
I still blame my family for things.
I still don’t feel loved and accepted sometimes.
I still struggle with forgiving myself for the person I was.
I still feel like an orphan sometimes.
I still fail daily.
The truth is
I am not the person I was before.
I used to lie, daily, hourly, minutely, about absolutely everything.
I used to light up daily so that I was floating on cloud nine.
I used to drown out the rest of the world with shot glasses full of jack.
I used to cut to heal the pain.
I used to puke to fix myself.
I used to have sex to fill the voids.
I used to let men use me to feel wanted.
I used to be bitter, angry, and pissed off at the world for everything that happened in my life.
The truth is
I have been homeless.
I have been jealous.
I have been angry.
I have been hopeless.
I have been depressed.
I have been suicidal.
I have been lost.
The truth is
I was found.
Love discovered me in my worst.
A love that is pure and real enveloped me in His arms.
I didn’t deserve it.
I still don’t deserve it.
That love was there long before I knew it.
The truth is
My life has “Jesus saves me” written all over it.
Every promise I ever broke.
Every drug I ever took.
Every penny I ever stole.
Every lie I ever told.
Every cuss word, cross word, and harsh word I ever muttered.
His love covers them all.
The truth is
I found a love beyond all reason.
I am forever His.
I am caught in the mercy fallout.
I found hope and I found life.
I found all that I need.
The truth is
When everything is out of control,
God will be there to save me.
He feels every pain I feel
He sees every tear I shed.
He hurts when I flinch.
He hears when I cry out for help.
He knows the desires of my heart.
And He wants to give them to me.
He wants to take care of me.
The truth is
For the first time in a long time things feel right.
I have found hope.
I have found family.
I have found love.
The truth is
We’re siblings.
No one is beyond God’s grace.
He loves you too.
We’re family whether you realize it yet or not.
No one is beyond God’s grace.
The truth is
God made you on purpose.
You are not an afterthought.
You are not on earth just because.
You are not a random act of creativity.
You have a 100% stamp of approval.
And before you were born you were known.
Before you were born you were loved.
You belong.
The truth is
The world will constantly try and knock you down.
You don’t feel like you fit in with everyone or everything.
And that is okay because you aren’t supposed to fit in.
You are not made for this world.
The secret in taking all the blows from the world lies on bended knees and a head bowed in prayer.
The truth is
Things might not make sense.
Your life might not make sense right now.
Things just don’t sit 100% well.
You worry and you’re anxious.
That is because you were made by God and for God.
Until you understand that your life will never make any sense.
The truth is
If you choose to trust Him with absolute abandon you will discover.
You will find and experience something beyond all you’ve ever dreamed of.
He has plans for you.
The truth is
People may have given up on you too.
They may have left you alone.
You may have stopped believing in yourself.
But He never will.
He loves you and He will never let go.
The truth is
He loves you.
He died for you.
You are worthy.
You are loved.
You are wanted.
The truth is
A love like Christ’s is a love worth
Surrendering your life for
And I believe that with every ounce of my being.
