I’m so overcome with emotion, I’m not sure if words will flow easily tonight or be impossible to extract…
I am in awe; of God’s grace. His amazing, unfailing grace. I am in awe of the beauty all around me, in everything. I am in awe of the miracle of sitting here at my desk feeling the wind blow through the window and breathing. simple. breathe in. exhale. in. exhale. miraculous.
I just got back to bloomington, after a 3 hour round trip drive to a doctors appointment in Indianapolis. And while I was driving it started to rain. And little rain drops fell onto my windshield and then bigger ones and bigger ones and then finally a huge just downpour. The sky got dark and then the rain it lightened up and went back to a sprinkle and the sun was kind of setting and the sky was just this magical magical magical color I can’t even describe. And cars headlights were shining off the roads making beautiful silhouettes and man oh man was it beautiful. I mean beautiful. How does anyone walk through this world and not be moved, every single day, by the beauty all around?
There is beauty all ALL around us. God is here. god is at work. And I can’t help but feel that we’re in the midst of a revolution… and well, my insides, they’ve never really felt so alive.
I wish there was a way to express the extent of how I feel. And I wish I was eloquent like so many people that I know, or even musical so that I could create some profound song that grips you in that place beneath your heart where I think your soul is stored and it just tugs at the core of you, but I’m not. I am a college kid who likes to wander the streets barefoot and wear bill cosby sweaters that make me look like a complete weirdo and I can never keep track of my cell phone, keys, and wallet all at the same time.
I am not musical. I am hardly inspirational. I am a Webster definition of a work-in-progress.
But I love. Man oh man, I love to love. There is just so much to love. It’s simple really, but I think thats the whisper from God I’ve heard more than anything else recently. “Seek simplicity”. I think a lot of people think love is a big big thing. LOVE. all capitals; yelling at you, intense, scary. like how do i LOVE someone? don’t LOVE them. love them. simple. easy. quiet. I do not have the brain power, the patience, the skill, or the means to do a lot of things. but I was breathed into existence, and I was given a soul. so I can love.
my heart is so full, its past the bursting point. maybe that’s what this is. these words. i literally have no more room in my heart, in my soul, to just sit here and think about how blessed i am, how grateful i am. i HAVE to let it out. i have to send it out into the universe. i want every person everywhere to understand this feeling, this physical feeling of being overwhelmed by love and mercy, shrouded in such grace. people talk about having these big conversions, moments where everything changes, and i mean ive had them, i have A LOT of those moments. i want everyone to have them. i want everyone to know the amazing power in a cheap cup of coffee and priceless conversation with a friend. or a stranger. i want everyone to know the saving grace of a beautiful summer sky as you walk out the door of church. i want everyone to know the joy inside a compliment from a strange.
i am not capable of a lot of things. but i CAN put joy out into the universe, and that is my mission. maybe i will never move mountains, or build schools or achieve world peace, but i will change lives. i will change lives, because continuously in the most incredible, unbelievable, amazing ways, every single day, He has changed mine.
