I beleive that I am now aware of these revelations from my previous blog, so that I may even more, drastically change my life.
A month ago, we had a squad debrief in Thailand. It was a time of catching up with friends, relaxing at the beach nearby, checking in on our team dynamics and overall squad health, teachings and learning, as well as worship! One morning, we did not have a room to use, so we all went up to the roof. Well, if you know anything about the weather in Thailand you would know that even just standing up there for a few minutes at ten in the monrning, I was already sweating and sunburnt. We were prepared to worship there knowing that any space to worship the Almighty is sufficient, but it was not exactly going to work. So we decided to squeeze 65 people in one very small hotel room. It was small, but it was air conditioned. There were 8 people squeezed on a couch, 3 people sitting in front of the bathroom door, 10 or so plopped on the double bed, and a person sitting on every square inch of that floor. Sounds a little tight, but I loved it. We were all so eager to hear the teaching for that morning; anxious to hear the Word of God. In our worship we sang the song “With Everything”, which I love singing from my times of worship at Passion City Church in Atlanta. It was in this time where God was really able to speak to my heart.
One year ago God was stripping me of titles I thought I wanted and needed in order to survive in this world. I was no longer a great student, no longer a stellar employee, no longer a steady best friend to some, and no longer the person who I had always dreamed I had wanted to be. It seemed as though I was failing at everything I was doing. Which, honestly, was kind of true. I remember sitting in worship one Sunday night at Passion City church, and it was the first time I had heard that song. There is a part in the song where you just belt it out. You let your voice free to praise the Lord using whatever sound comes out of your mouth. I was so broken then, that in those moments, I would just shout. I would scream so loudly, at the top of my lungs. And usually, I would burst into tears. I just broke down. I was angry at God for taking everything I had loved away. I was angry at God for stripping me of everything I knew. I was angry because I felt like I had nothing. No job, no money, no friends, no boyfriend, no church, no future, no life…nothing. But that is where the beauty lies:
I have nothing.
I have nothing apart from God.
I sang that song “With Everything” in Thailand, with the rest of my fellow disciples, so loudly, at the top of my lungs just like a year ago. A year ago, I had nothing but the Lord. So it was so simple for me to “give up everything” to Him like He asks from us. With everything I will live my life for You, God. {ENTER} With everything I will shout for your glory and for your praise. With everything I have, I will daily sacrifice it to you, because I know that you are the Maker, Creater and Provider of all. But now? It feels like I have everything! I had sixty something of my dearest God-fearing friends by my side, I have a roof over my head always, plenty of food, great supporters back at home and now in other continents. It feels like I have everything. It feels that way because I daily give it all up to the Lord. And then He turns around and blesses me for it. God loves rewarding the obedient servants of His! The funny is though, that I still have nothing but the Lord. And that delights me more than you could ever understand.
I can do nothing on My own initiative. […] because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent me.
John 5:30
In that room in Thailand. That sacred hotel room, God was able to show me just how far He brought me. Just how far I was able to go by fully relying on Him and Him alone. I can do nothing on my own. But why would I want to? Everything I do fails. That I have already proven. But with the Lord? Well, anything is possible. Seriously.
This month in ministry, our contacts do not ask of anything from anyone. If they have a need, they ask the Lord and the Lord only. That is it. The wife writes her requests, her prayers on a sheet of paper in the morning. Usually the recieve everything on the list by 3pm. If something does not come, then it is a sign to them that Lord does not want them to have it. End of story. Their radical faith and obedience is a true testament of God’s love and grace. This family may not be rich, but God provides their every need.
Jesus asks ALL of His disciples to give up everything they have to follow Him. Not just earthly possessions, but personal dreams, life plans and goals, our own rights and arrogant thoughts. God won’t relent unless He has ALL of us. Because it is then, and only then when He can truly use us to further His Kingdom.
“WE are the ultimate plan of God. There is NO plan B.”
– Radical by Platt
We are COMMANDED to give up ourselves, preach the gospel to the nations, and never stop.
THAT is the kind of life I want to lead, and I know that God is calling me, and all of us to.
God will take you to places you never even dreamed of, if you just trust Him. I mean, a year ago I was in a small town Christian college with an empty passport. Now? I am teaching english, building chicken fortresses, running orphanages, street evangelizing, preaching in churches, spreading the good news to the nations across the world. Just trust God to have control over your life, considering He was always the one who had the control to begin with. And do it with everything…
