I haven’t cried in a movie since the Lion King came out on video. But, last Wednesday, I found myself sobbing in the middle of an action movie. An action movie. Action movies aren’t designed to tug tears from my heart—they are designed to blow up things.
But, that’s my life these days. Some days, it’s too easy to be ready to leave the country for this mission trip. Other times, it’s hard to walk out of my room without a Kleenex box in tow.
I think it’s easy for people to congratulate me on what I’m doing. This trip is different from most trips abroad: we will feed the hungry, live with the poor and spread hope to the broken for a long period of time.
But, the hardest part about leaving is that I’ve figured out that I’m not a noble person. When I look into the eyes of my loved ones here at home and then think about leaving them for a year, a large part of my heart wants to give up on the whole idea of missions. The cost is so great.
Many people may scoff at such a confession, but it’s the truth. I hate change and love the people I am in community with. I love my dog and ache for clean drinking water after a long run. My life may be simple, but it’s what I love.
The only way I can keep packing my bags, keep saying those goodbyes and keep carrying around my box of Kleenex is when I think on Jesus. He’s the only one that is worthy enough for me to give up everything I own. Not my love for the people abroad who desperately need love. Not my hope of tearing down injustices and building up hope. Not my desire to do something great with my life. No thing, idea or person is worth this desertion. I sacrifice for Jesus this year because of Jesus.
Because it’s only through His love, His hope and His desire for friendship with me that I can go into the nations. It is only because of Him that I have lived anyway.
My antidote to these tears is Jesus. My antidote to leaving is Jesus. He’s all I have, and He is much nobler than I will ever be.
Here’s to Jesus, my lover, my answer, and my antidote.
