Three months ago while I was sitting in Cambodia during month six of the race; home sick, hot and hungry I received an email from my Squad Mentor presenting the opportunity to alumni squad lead in October 2016.
I quickly read the email and thought about it for a few minutes and then said to myself,
“Nah, thats not for me.” I am currently squad leading as a raised up squad leader and will have done that for 7 months of the race. I have loved every second of having this opportunity to squad lead now but I don’t think God is calling me to come back in October and squad lead a new set of people. Plus, I miss my family, my two nieces are growing so fast. Each time I see a new picture or FaceTime them I can’t believe how different they already look. I miss my friends so much, one of my closest friends just got engaged a month ago and I missed it which was one of the first major things I’ve missed in our friendship. I haven’t had a good night sleep in over two months. I have been freezing water bottles and placing them against my body at night so that I can cool down long enough to fall asleep. I miss my big comfy bed with my sweet pup Nala, laying next to me.”
As you can see my flesh won this battle. I thought about it for the next few weeks but I came to the conclusion that God hasn’t shown me that alumni squad leading is my next step after the race. I felt in previous months that He was calling me to go back to Atlanta (my comfort) and share my experiences and be a light to my family and friends, be close to them again. I got myself together and dialed the phone to my squad mentor and told her “if I were to alumni squad lead in October it would be my “people pleasing” ( by the way, yes, my name is Ashley Miller and I am a recovering people pleaser) winning because I respect her opinion and discernment to ask me in the first place to squad lead. I don’t want to disappoint you or upset you by saying no ( another struggle performance driven). The conversation quickly ended after that. I left the conversation feeling okay about it and in a way proud of myself for not falling into old ways of people pleasing.
A few weeks passed and an unsettling started in my spirit. My time in Malaysia was some of the most connected to the Spirit I have ever felt. A video popped up on my Facebook feed about an expedition route on the World Race and it discussed the amazing encounters with the Spirit they were having while in Calcutta. This video started stirring something up within me. Thoughts started popping in my head like, “ maybe if you were to squad lead in the future it would be for an expedition route.” Squad leading was back into the picture, I started processing these thoughts and talking to God about them. Later that week I decided to talk to my squad mentor ( the one who originally asked me to consider squad leading in the first place) about what God has been stirring up. After I shared what God had been highlighting to me she began to laugh and said, “expedition route, huh?” Come to find out that same week she was asked to consider being the squad mentor for the upcoming expedition route. God, has such a sense of humor. She had been battling what she should do the same week but neither one of us knew the other one was having similar conversations with God. She then explained she said no to the expedition route and shared her heart on why and how she felt God telling her to stay with the squad leading in October. She has a passion to see our generation on fire for Jesus again, she has been an amazing mentor over this last year to me and our squad. Her passion for God is contagious and pushes you to want more of Him. We ended the call with me saying, “ well thats pretty crazy, I’ll just keep praying about it.” ( my squad mentor not knowing I was even still considering squad leading in October)
Later that week I asked one of my teammates to be in prayer for me about this decision and that God would make it very clear with a yes or no. While still in Malaysia during all this, I had made a strong relationship with our ministry host and had been doing bible studies with her. She is a God fearing woman and hears from the Lord in ways I had never seen before. She lives her life by waiting for God to guide her steps and not running ahead of God. That week she gave me scripture to read so that we could discuss it together. It was the story from 1 Kings 13 about a man of God and an old prophet. The premise of this story is about a prophet going to a town to fulfill a prophecy God had given him with clear guidelines. The prophet goes to a town and does what he was told but on his way out of town he gets persuaded by an old prophet to go back into town ( breaking one of the rules) which ultimately brings him to his death.
The story in 1 Kings 13 connected my own struggles with people pleasing and how even innately good things or people can lead you to misstep if you aren’t listening to God first.
This story shows us how subtle and easy it can be to fall off the path God has given you. This story represents a lot of what I currently had been battling over the last month between my flesh or letting the Holy Spirit continue to direct my path. I almost let the heat and missing my comforts of home make the decision and cloud my mind instead of letting the Holy Spirit be louder and more clear to me.
Later that day, my friend who I had asked to be in prayer for me about this decision and I were watching the movie The Holy Ghost. At the same exact moment I had chills fill my body and I looked up and she was looking back me nodding and smiling. Basically, saying the exact thing I was feeling, “God saying, yes Ashley, this is where I have you for this next season of your life.” Feeling overwhelmed and weird we went up on the roof and laid down facing up at the magical sky with hundreds of stars looking back at us and I said to God, even though He has made it pretty dang clear this is what He wants me to do, will you show me a shooting star to confirm. Within seconds I saw the brightest shooting star I’ve ever seen.
Throughout this last year I have continued to learn the importance of responding and not reacting. Growing up my dad always told us ” it’s 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.” As I’ve grown in my spiritual walk this has become even more true. If we wait to listen to His voice for confirmation, He will make the decision clear. One thing I’ve learned with obedience is physical obedience brings spiritual release and you gain that peace about the next move or decision.
So here is my official announcement that I will be squad leading a new route this October through February. God continues to make it very clear that His plans doesn’t usually look like the plans I come up with but if there is something I have learned over this last year is when you follow His call, His plans and dreams are so much bigger and better than what I can come up with. I recently wrote a blog named “ what breaks my heart” http://ashleymiller.theworldrace.org/post/my-broken-heart and it talks about how God has used my suffering and turned them into passions. One of my biggest passions is to help my generation see and experience how alive and active our God is and how through personal struggles with identity and worth God has shown me who I was uniquely created to be. He has opened this door to squad lead to help a group of people discover these truths themselves.
This requires more fundraising, another reason why I originally didn’t want to do this but fundraising is a direct way to see God move. I know this is where God is calling me and I fully trust He will provide. If you would like to partner with me I am looking for monthly and one time donors.
Donation options:
1. Click donate on this page:
2. Paypal account:
3. send a check to my home address at
407 Pine Tree Rd, Lake Mary, Fl, 32746
Thank you so much for all of your continued love and support. Being across the world and knowing I have people praying for me means more than you know.
If you would like to hear more details about my experiences so far feel free to email me @ [email protected]
Love you all!
