On day 2 of being in Costa Rica I wrote in my journal:
“Tonight it hit me that I am doing what my past self used to do. Trying so hard and controlling situations rather than being still with the Lord. Trusting on my own performance rather than releasing control to God. Lord I pray that I continue to extend grace to others and myself through this process. Seek God for His peace through the process.”
The next day I woke up to do my devotion and it says,
“Jesus proclaims RECEIVE my peace! This is a gift always available to you. We must sit quietly with God and trusting Him in all areas of our lives.”
I don’t know about you but this whole sit and be quiet thing isn’t as easy as it sounds. But this devotion and its timing just shows that God is constantly showing up when we pray to Him and release our anxieties on Him.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
We overlook God’s greatness, that we are alive, that we can breath; we take it as a fact rather than being grateful for every moment because we have a good, good father who loves us so dearly. One of my teammates said it perfectly, “ I think it’s a gratitude issue more than anything” If we were able to focus on all the things we are thankful for rather than the things we want or lacking, imagine the change that could create in yourself and the world. Stop taking the ability to breath, the ability to hear, the ability to walk for granted.
Lord, I ask you what am I so afraid of? What am I so afraid of that I feel I must try and control situations around me? What makes me so fearful that I feel I need to get my worth from my own performance?
Why does it scare me so much to fully surrender to you and allow you to invade all areas of my life? I cry out to you asking for your presence, for your discernment, to have your eyes and heart so I can be a vessel for your purpose. But then there goes up that wall again, a wall of fear. Fear of losing my false identity that I have worked to create for 26 years.
Jesus Calling Devotion:
“How it grieves Me to see My Children working for Love: trying harder and harder, yet never feeling good enough to be loved”
I find myself seeking out answers from others about what the Lord wants for me rather than seeking out answer from the true Source.
God already knows my thoughts but He still want to hear the deepest desires of my heart. He wants intimacy with me.
“Just Be” has been something laid on my heart throughout my time in Costa Rica. When my false self starts to take over and tell me I must gain the Lord’s favor and my worth by doing, this little remember of “just be” helps get me back to the True Source.
Just over a month ago, I wrote a blog titled “stop trying so hard.” It was exactly about this topic. I don’t need to earn my love, for I am already a child of God. It’s funny how I could feel so strongly about something a month ago but then I step into a new environment and my old ways of trying and earning worth and love starts again.
God has made it known the importance of waiting under the fig tree (in my case my hammock under an avocado tree) and build intimacy with the one who gives me more love than I can imagine.
1 john 4:7-8
Let us love one another, for love comes from God. He wants us to love and be loved.
First week in Costa Rica: We have had an amazing time in Costa Rica with an inscribe ministry. The ministry we are working with is called Zoe’s international Christian School and Church. We get to help bring lift to the staff here, help teach English, play soccer, and do outreach with the local university through English and Spanish Club.
The ministry staff has taken us under their wing, they have shown us their culture and we got to experience their Independence Day with them! Pura Vida doesn’t just mean “pure life” it is a way of living. I have seen more freedom to be yourself in the people here than most places I’ve been before, whether it was to run in an open field and yell or seeing who could throw a bottle the farthest.
During worship night last Saturday, we saw the Kingdom here on earth. A song was played, ” venga el cielo” ” let heaven come”
True freedom was experienced that night, freedom to worship as you pleased, in that moment there was no language barriers, just freedom to experience God with open arms. This is how I envisioned heaven to look like.
The Lord is guiding our team and I pray they we can continue to seek the Lord’s heart first so we can be His vessels bringing eternal life to others.
