I am a very closed off person with my heart, to be honest sometimes I don’t even feel like I know my heart truly. Naturally then I don’t let a lot of people in and I don’t let a lot of stuff out. It is the same at home as it is here. The same with people I know very well and people I am still learning to know (my team in particular). Very few people know the true me, and to be honest again I don’t think I am one of those very few people.
So with this in mind remember I am on a trip where I find myself in a team that wasn’t my choosing with girls that I have met once at training camp and we are together everyday for four months…this adds up to a difficult time for me. Yet, I have become comfortable to a point with them and I love them all dearly, but I still don’t reveal to much of my heart.
We are past the first month and I have let a little out slowly and in moderation. That is one step forward for me, and then something happens, something that completely gives me a mind slap and makes me regret ever letting anything out at all because I don’t want people to know my heart. I’m scared for people to know my heart. And that isn’t my thinking, but the enemy grabbing me at a weak moment and striking. ‘Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.’ 1 Peter 5:8
So I let the enemy strike and for every one step forward I find myself taking three steps back.
