it was one year ago today.
i hugged my family, strapped on my pack and boarded a plane bound for jfk airport. i spent the night in new york city with five of my squad-mates and the next afternoon we were off. bound for ireland. beginning the trip of a lifetime.
one year ago i was enthusiastic about what was in front of me. i was ready to hold babies, help widows, preach in africa, and storm the gates of hell in the red light districts of asia.
i was ready to change the world.
over the course of eleven months i did those things. i preached, i saw miracles; i witnessed heaven invading earth. but it happened in so many more ways than i ever anticipated. heaven came to the aids babies. jesus met the widows. heaven invaded bangla road and prostitutes lives were changed.
but something else happened, too. heaven invaded me.
the lord met me somewhere during my journey through the nations. i’m not sure when exactly it happened. i am just now, after being home for five weeks, beginning to scratch the surface of the change that actually took place in me. at some point, whether it was suddenly or over a period of time, it all changed. it’s been 365 days since i boarded that initial plane and i’m looking up today and all of my realities have been completely turned upside down. the reality of who the Lord is and who i am to Him. the reality of the injustice that is going on in the world. the reality of poverty, aids, human trafficking and the like. the reality of my life, the way i thought it would look; where i would go. you name it. the way i see it has probably, in some way or another, been wholly [and holy] wrecked. messed up. demolished. screwed up.
and it’s good. it’s so, so good.
i don’t understand it. some moments i don’t really even like it. i am beyond excited to be where i am today and at the same time i want to run as fast i can in the opposite direction. six weeks ago i was sweating my life away for jesus in the middle of cambodia. today i am sitting in a cubicle in gainesville, georgia. still for jesus. and this is my new reality.
and i find myself stuck somewhere between loving it and hating it. this whole messed up, crazy, supernatural world i’ve chosen to buy in to.
maybe it’s the re-entry talking. maybe it’s the pizza i ate last night.
either way. i’m in. for better or worse i’m here. whether it’s africa, georgia, india, or tim-buk-tu. i’m here. i’m showing up. because as much as it hurts i believe in it. i believe in giving my life for this kingdom and the cause of christ. i believe in loving those who have been cast aside, mis-treated and forgotten. i believe in living a life centered around the spirit. i believe in living a life of faith. i believe god will use me if i will only make myself available to him. i believe in doing life alongside of like-minded people who walk in freedom and the power of the holy spirit.
i believe that this is it.
and i still have more questions than answers. i still have reservations and fears. i still yell at God about some of it. i still don’t love the idea of losing my life to find it. i’m still in the process of figuring it all out. i will probably always be in that process. but in the midst of it all, i’m here.
and i’m content.
i’m content in my cubicle because it’s a cubicle from which kingdom will come.
and that’s worth every little bit of hell and frustrations and wonderings that come along with it.
it’s so very worth it.
i am in desperate need of monthly supporters who will come alongside of me and partner with me in ministry. if you want to help make a kingdom impact on a world who is desperate for change please consider being a part of my ministry. you can give financially or contact me to become a prayer partner.
