for the past eight years I have been running in a circle. day after day I would do my best to put on my ‘yes-as-a-matter-of-fact-i-do-love-jesus’ smile and go about my business as usual. my circle took me through high school and college; advancing at different times but eventually ending up exactly where I began. it was a circle filled with good intentions and an honest love for the lord and other people. however, my circle permeated with expectations, false selfs, and rights i thought i had earned. i couldn’t escape my spiritual circle. I didn’t even realize I was trapped in one.
until now.
training camp for me was a million different things rolled into ten dynamic days. aside from meeting the people I get to serve alongside of, ministering on the streets of Atlanta with my brothers and sisters, and eating cow tongue [yes, cow tongue]; training camp was the avenue in which God picked me up out of my circular confusion and introduced me to a new way of living.
living for the sake of advancing the kingdom.
wednesday night I had a vision while I was praying during the service. I envisioned Jesus sitting, in all of His splendor, on His throne. there were hundreds of people running as fast as they could in a close-knit circle around him. they were running for Jesus; with all of their might, but they were getting nowhere. then, to the left side of the throne there were people, few and far between, who were running in a straight line. these people were different. they were breathing fire. they were running hard and fast but didn’t look worn down. they were leaving the kingdom but bringing people back with them and I heard the lord tell me: “Ashley, I did not bring you out of what I brought you out of just for the sake of bringing you out of it. It is time you go and possess the lands in which I have promised you. rise up as the strong woman of God i have created you to be and do something.” then, the Lord picked me up out of the purposeless circle and put me in line with the fire-breathing kingdom-bringers.
freedom and revelation hit me like a ton of bricks.
after having a few days to really think through and process this vision along with everything else training camp brought, i’ve realized that it’s not enough anymore to put on a happy face and be a sweet, jesus-lover. it’s not enough to just be in the kingdom surrounding the lord. it’s time for the kingdom to advance. when the lord put me in that line I saw myself bringing both an african child and an asian woman to Jesus and it just felt right. for a moment, i didn’t have to wonder about who i am or what my purpose should be. everything around me stopped and i brought those people to jesus and watched my brothers and sisters doing the same and it was just right. and i don’t care what it takes anymore. it doesn’t matter what comforts I have to give up or what ‘rights’ need to be sacrificed. i can’t go back to my circles. even if I wanted to; I wouldn’t know how.
so, for the next two months I will attempt to bring kingdom to pizza world and wherever else i rendezvous around missouri. i’ll attempt to show more of who jesus is to my family and friends. i’ll try to breathe fire as I go about my ‘regular life’ because I don’t know what else to do anymore. and in 68 days I will set out with the purpose of igniting kingdom all over the world. this thing’s got me. this crazy, confusing, wonderful, hard-as-hell, beautiful, messy thing they all call kingdom living. it’s got me. and I’m in.
i am so in.
