I am so excited for this blog. I have been in Haiti for a week and God started working on my heart in areas I didn’t think I was ready to work on and He used other people around me to help me. So I’m excited to share with you what God has done. Please know that I am still in the process of figuring it all out and everything is still pretty raw. I am thankful that God is patient and loving!
I realize that this month is about working on my heart!! I am realizing that there are areas in my life that I thought I had healed and processed through that I’m really not over yet! There are some areas in my life that I wasn’t ready to work on but God is ready.
I’m trying to take this month a day at a time. Some days are going to be good and some are not.
Coming into Haiti and seeing how people lived here scared the crap out of me. Its one thing to know that people live in tents and have literally nothing but to actually see it is something completely different. You hear that Haiti isn’t the safest place and there is lot of spiritual warfare going on. And I’m right in the middle of it all!
My first night here I went to sleep physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. I knew God had me here for a reason but not sure how it was going to work out.
Then God started to work in my heart! He showed that I need to look inside myself and start loving me and loving Him. If I don’t have these two things …than there is no way I can love His people! He told me that and for the rest of the week He showed me that truth in 3 major ways!
I was having my quiet time and I turned on my iPod. The song “God of this City” came on. This is one of my favorite songs but this time a pastor was talking before the song played. He read
Galatians 2:10
The pastor went on saying that this is not an option…we as a church body need to be there for the poor. God loves them so much and we need to show them the light.
Ok God…I’m listening!
Next I turned to
1 John 4: 7-21
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."
I started crying because this is what I needed to hear from God. That He loves me so much that He died for me. He calls me His Beloved…I felt so important. The rest of the week, He reminded me how much I am special in His eyes.
As I continued reading through His word, every song that came on my IPod was song s about love! Words of “everlasting love” and “having an audience of one with God” filled my heart. I didn’t want to leave the chair I was sitting on because I didn’t want that moment to end!
Way #2
During feedback one night…we were sitting around our table and Philip one of our amazing squad leaders had joined us. Earlier that day we had gone to the grocery store and it was the most stressful times I have had. I learned that Haiti has fake money and real money. Then there is this whole thing of trying to buy food for 7 people for a week. It is not as easy as you think. So I went into that night exhausted and worn out. It was my turn for feedback and my team was speaking encouragement into me and thanking me for all that I do. When it was Philips turn to talk…he spoke even more life into me. At the end he said…
”the Father wanted me to tell you that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And to take that and own it!”
REALLY….it was like God was speaking to me in human form. It was something that I needed to hear at that very moment. I went to bed feeling loved and beautiful! I went to bed knowing that I was God daughter!
Way #3
We went to one of our church services and it was a prayer night. I needed this time to just freely speak to God and to hear him and feel him. People all around us were praying and worshiping and crying out to our God. God reminded me of what He had been telling me all week! I took time and just sat there and listen. He reminded me of 1 John and I started reading more of Galatians and Philippians. Everything I read was on love and how He loves His people.
It was a sweet moment and I was filled!
I remembered that I am God and He calls me his Beloved!!!
