OK so I have put my YES out there and am ready to “prepare” for this 11 month journey.
I’m looking into backpacks, tents, headlamps, what I should and shouldn’t bring, plan tickets, shots and insurance. I’m reading blogs, writing blogs and looking at pictures of the countries I’m going to. I’ve sent out support letters, doing different fundraisers, making budgets and prioritizing what’s important
Sounds like I’m on the right track, organized and ready for September
Ummm…Yah that is what I thought too.
God decided to quietly raise his hand and ask me if I forgot about anything.
Oh course I haven’t! I’m a planner and organizer! I have my list and I’m ready
Then God throws out
“WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!????”
I have been so focused on the ‘stuff’ I need to do and get ready for, I forgot about preparing my heart!
If I am not seeking after Him, then how am I
going to do His will on this trip?
How am I suppose to ask Him to provide for
my financial needs?
How am I suppose to ask Him to use me to reach
the people we will meet?
How am I suppose to love the nationals and
the people on my team?
If I want to be able to show God’s love and do His will in these 11 countries and within my team….I need to start examine my own heart!
What does it love?
What makes it break?
What makes it grow?
What makes it healthy?
Do I love ME!?
Ok so Do I love myself????
If I love myself too much then I take God
out of the equation and it
becomes the Ashley Show.
I can’t reach the lost if it is all about me.
If I don’t love myself at all then God can’t use me either.
I won’t trust Him, rely on Him or seek Him out.
How can I love others if I don’t love myself?
To be completely honest with myself I don’t know how to answer those question.
I wish I could say “of course I love myself and I can’t wait to be used by God and that my heart aches for the lost.”
I could give the good ‘church’ answer but that’s not
what God wants and won’t help me at all.
I haven’t always like who I am!
At times I have wished that I was someone else!
It has taken me a long time to accept who I am.
Some days I don’t like me and some days I’m proud
of who I am. It has been a process but it’s a process
that won’t just end because I have decided to go on this 11 month trip.
In preparation for this trip I am in need of a heart check-up!
I need to be working on my relationship with God every day because I want to be prepared in EVERY aspect come September! I have to daily remind myself that God has made me in HIS image and I am His Child.
I know that it is going to take one day at a time
I can’t get ahead of myself. I need to remember that God has placed people in my life that love me and support me 100%
I am going to have good days and bad days but the true test is if I lean on God and not on myself.
God never promised that following Him is going
to be chocolate and flowers!
He did promise me that He will guide me and
Love me UNCONDITIONALLY!
What more can a girl ask for!!
