I’m in a Panamanian Prison.

 …and I shook the hand of a murder’s wife.  

Yesterday was our last day of “official” ministry on the World Race. WOW! As we rode in the van to our first stop, the women’s prison, we all decided that today, we would “leave it all on the mission field”. We agreed to give everything we had to give and explode the places we were going with the love of our sweet Savior, Jesus.

One thing that many people back home have told me throughout this journey is that, “you never know how many lives you truly have touched. It may be hard to see the fruit, or even feel like you’ve made a difference, but the truth is you don’t know the interactions that person could be having with God in their heart”. Sometimes it’s hard to keep this attitude when you’re exhausted and feel like your talking to rows and rows of walls that see your “program” as a good thing because it takes up time in their day. Or, of course, who wouldn’t want to sit in a room full of beautiful American women? It’s hard, but in 1 Timothy 6 we’re called to “fight the good fight of faith”. I’ve had to train my mind to continuously place every ministry opportunity before the Lord and trust Him with the hearts of people He allows me to interact with.

Yesterday was by far the most eye-opening, most bizarre, real life, wow moment of the race for me. We spent the morning at a women’s prison. Many of the women are incarcerated for drug trafficking or laundering money. Their offenses are not as extreme as many cases we’ve seen, and truth be told, their lifestyle isn’t awful.

When we arrived, we were led to a picnic shelter like area. A few women had gathered and were dispersed amongst the benches. As I sat down, I noticed an English voice. My ears were already alert and shortly after my eyes followed suit. To the left of me sat 4 American women. I was so caught off guard I didn’t know what to do.

I mentioned it to a few girls on my team and they walked over to begin conversations. We found out where they were from, how long they’d been in prison, and what their offenses were.  

All of them said drug trafficking brought them to this place. Except for one girl in the middle of the group, Michelle. Throughout our whole conversation, I never heard her story. The girls had went over a bit sooner than I had, so I just assumed I had missed it and didn’t want to be that annoying person that asks the same question that truthfully, she probably doesn’t wanna talk about again anyways; so I just decided to ask the girls once we got in the van. But the whole time, my heart was unsettled about her life. The only thing I knew was that her husband was at the men’s prison that we visited last week and she sees him once a month.

Me and another one of my squad mates chatted with Michelle and another girl from the group, Laurie for the rest of the time. They asked us how we found out about this trip and what made us come. We shared a little bit of our stories, and before we knew it, it was time to go.

Throughout our time there, I felt quite speechless. Many thoughts ran through my mind – like, “what does it take for a person to get to a place of leaving the states to traffic drugs. And why?” “I’m standing up here talking about Jesus and how He’s changed my life, is this going to be another moment where I won’t be able to see the “fruit” of this labor” “I desire so much more for these women’s lives” “Are they hearing me?” “Are they hearing God?”. My head was spinning.

We said our goodbyes. Shook hands, shared hugs and headed back to the van. Conversation was light as we all discussed our various experiences.

Fast forward 7 hours – dinner at one of the church members’ houses. We chatted about our day with her and the ministry. We talked about the women’s prison and our conversation with Michelle and Laurie. We talked about how Michelle visits her husband once a month at the men’s prison and isn’t it crazy that we had been there but never met him. Someone mentioned that her husband’s name was Bill. And then one of my teammates who didn’t go to ministry yesterday said, “Wait, Wild Bill, what if that’s her husband”.

Lots of squeals dispersed throughout the room. Wild Bill was caught in Panama in 2009 for killing 5 Americans. You can google him and watch the Dateline special on Youtube about his case.

I was shocked for the rest of the night. I had met the wife of a murder. I had shaken her hand and talked to her about Jesus and how He had changed my life. And the whole time, I was blind to her past and her life. I had uneasy feelings in her presence – and now I believe it was the Holy Spirit prompting me to not stop pursuing conversation with her. That through my words she may simply feel the love of Christ and perhaps in those short minutes with her, God was preparing to change her life for eternity.

As I sit and reflect on this situation – the tragedy and grief that lies there and the life that her husband and her now face in prison, my heart is overwhelmed. When preparing for the World Race, you never really know what to prepare for. And if you had asked me 11 months ago, I probably would have told you that I was excited to go to the nations to reach the unreachable. Little did I know that a part of my journey would be sharing Jesus with my fellow American sisters in a Panamanian prison.

In many ways, I’m thankful that I had no outside influence or knowledge of Michelle or her story before I went to the prison. I’m thankful that the Lord allowed me to meet her and talk to her. I’m hopeful that in that short conversation that she was able to feel normal, accepted, and loved. That we knew nothing about her except what she shared.

And now, I’m praying that God will continue to move in her heart. That He will captivate her and completely change her life. Her and Laurie mentioned they love to read, so we’re hoping to gather some Christian books to send back to the prison – and in this, perhaps a real encounter with Jesus Christ will occur.

Please pray for Michelle, her husband Bill, Laurie and the other two Americans we met. I trust that their lives are sweetly resting in the palms of Christ.

I raided my hair with my fellow beloved, Maggie, the first contractor of lice. 
Check out her blog, "Lice for Jesus" for the full story about this epidemic.

Sara got in on the deal as well!

The BEST news is that I still have a head full of hair!

As of today I'm lice FREE! Praying those little nuggets stay away from me so I can hug and love all over my fam jam and dearly beloveds when I get home in ONE WEEK! Eeeeek!