This month the Lord has taken me through one of the deepest, darkest, most intense roads of my spiritual journey thus far in life – Identity. At the beginning of the month, the Lord spoke over my heart that I won’t ever be able to truly see Christ as He really is until I can see myself in the way that He sees me.
We visited Hillsong South Africa two Sundays ago. Chris, a Pastor from the Potter’s Hand in Denver, Colorado, was visiting and He spoke one of the most powerful, spirit filled sermons I’ve ever heard. Of course Chris had no idea what I was going through at that time and the journey that the Lord was taking me on. He had no idea the battle I was fighting with my emotions nor did he know the state of confliction and confusion that rested over my heart. BUT, God did. The process through the chaos was not easy but, looking back now, I can see the divine appointments the Lord set up to bring me to a level of peace. Peace in where I’ve been, where I’m at, and where I’m going.
Chris spoke the words, “you are not an accident or an incident, God doesn’t create junk. If the devil can steal your vision, he thinks he’s got you. If you have a vision from the Lord, he’s afraid you’ll be a threat. When God anoints you in life, He doesn’t just smear it on the outside. He puts it on the inside. God gave you a vision. God anointed you. And if the devil didn’t give it, he can’t take it away. When you tie a believer to a lock, nothing can pull them down”.
Sometimes the Lord calls us to climb up mountains, climb down mountains, and process through the valley until he brings us to another mountain. This is how our spiritual lives function.
Last month was all about climbing up the mountain. The beginning of this month began as a slow but steady landslide down the mountain and settled in a swamp in the valley. And as I end this month in South Africa, I’m slowly but surely climbing back up the mountain.
Through this process of climbing and falling and allowing the Lord to pick me back up again and sliding down a bit more and yet again clinging to the hands of my Father, I have nothing more to say than, “it is well”. It is well because I have joy in the long defeat.
The Lord ministered to my heart through the song, “The Long Defeat” by Sara Groves the other night while I was enjoying a much needed late night work out. I had my ipod on shuffle for the first time in probably ever, and this song came on. The first part of the song speaks the honest truth of what I’ve been walking through this month. The second half speaks to where I’m at now.
My identity is being renewed. The Lord is leading me into a new season – A season of rebuilding and refocusing. I am standing naked and humbled before the throne of God in surrender to the plans He has for my life and for simply the “newness” that I’ll soon be experiencing. My identity is not defined by what I do, what title I have, or what people think about me. My identity is rooted in the fact that I am a child of God. I am a daughter of the most high king. I am not a mistake. There is a purpose to my life. There is a purpose to this year in my life. I am a woman of influence. I am a woman of peace. I am a woman of clarity. I am a woman of discernment. I am free. I am anointed. I have a vision. I have a voice. I am heard.
Tyler’s mom sends me emails every week to keep me up to date on what’s happening in life and to simply encourage me. I like to think she has a skype date with the Lord before she emails me because every ounce of encouragement she’s written me has always aligned with what I’m going through, processing through, or what the Lord’s speaking to my heart. Reading back through this week’s email is how this blog came full circle. This week she sent me a poem by A.M Overton called, “He Maketh No Mistake”. I’ll end this blog with it:
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I'm glad to know,
He maketh no mistake.
My cherished plan may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I'll trust in my Lord to lead,
For he doth lead the way.
Tho' night be dark and it may seem,
That day will never break,
I'll pin my faith, my all in Him,
He maketh no mistake.
There's so much now, I cannot see,
My eyesight far too dim,
But come what may, I'll simply trust
And leave it all to Him.
For by and by, the mist will lift,
And plain it all He'll make,
Through all the way, tho dark to me,
He made not one mistake.
