I'm SO thankful for all my supporters and those of you that willingly follow my blog! I kinda left you hanging Monday night, and said "come back tomorrow for more". Well..let me update you on the reason for my absence. I call this two part blog series "Interruption"..you'll see why.
Tuesday morning I woke up with intense chest pain and shortness of breath. I had been experiencing occasional "heart flutters" for a week and three days prior to this. So yes, during training camp I was going through this. I noticed even while at training camp how hard it was for me to "catch my breath" after being active for an extended period of time. This is soo not like me. I'm super active and run/work out almost every day. Waking up Tuesday morning with these symptoms, I knew it was time to get things checked out. I wasn't convinced though until I was driving to work and literally felt like I was either a) going to suffocate or b) die from a heart attack. I decided to stop by Patient First and get checked. I kept thinking "oh, it's nothing. this will probably be a ten minute appointment, I'll still make it to work on time". Little did I know that rest of my day would be plagued by "bad news" and deep emotion.
I went in, they took me back within five minutes. They did all the basic triage duties and then sent me back to a room. While she was taking my blood pressure, I noticed quite a perplexing look on her face which ensued "freak out" mode. Almost immediately I was hooked up to an ecg machine and my heart rate was being monitored. After the report printed, she detached me from the machine and said they would probably want to take a chest x-ray as well. At this point, I was in spurts of tears. Point blank, I was scared. No one was with me. I was all by myself getting "big time" tests done, and I had no clue what any of it really meant. I kept praying, Jesus, your will be done, over and over. My body hurt, my emotions were high, and I was at a loss for words.
Finally the doctor came in. She went over the ecg with me and said that it read like I was a 50 year old obese man..cool? She then said by the reports they were reading and my story that it could be possible that I had a blood clot in my lung. My heart sank, and the tears began to flow. In reality, I didn't even know what that meant or how that could be possible. She sat with me for a minute, handed me tissues, and said that it would be alright. They were sending me over to get a chest x-ray and then she would come back with follow-up information.
Another lady showed up at the curtain, and walked me over to x-ray. She was very sweet and had a overwhelmingly warm presence. She asked me about what was going on, where my family was (she knew that I had just moved here), what I was doing in the area, etc. She told me to breathe in deeply and relax. She took the x-rays and then walked me back to my room. On the walk back, the topic of Jesus came up. She told me that God was in control and that everything would work out. In the most broken moments of my life, she spoke truth into it. I had no clue who she was or what she believed, but she proclaimed Jesus and His healing power straight to the core of my desperate situation. Praise the Lord.
I sat in my room alone, but blessed. I heard the doctor outside my room saying things like "I don't want to scare her but…" and "I think we should call an ambulance". She finally came into my room. She said that my chest x-ray was awesome and everything looked healthy..but it was still possible that I could have a blood clot in my lungs. She went over the severity of it and ended the conversation by saying that she thought it was in my best interest to take an ambulance half a mile down the road to the emergency room. She told me that this could kill me. The harshness of that word shot me straight through the heart. Emotions flooded my mind all over again. Through the biggest tears I've ever cried, I told her that I was scared. That the trauma that I had already experienced that day was overwhelming. I told her that I needed to calm down. That riding in an ambulance would not better the situation but that my fear would continue to sky rocket. I mean, I could literally walk outside, throw a rock and hit the hospital. I told her that I wanted to drive over. She heard me out and told me that I would have to sign an "against medical advice" form because I had decided to drive instead of taking the ambulance. So I signed it, they discharged me and I went out to my car.
Tears pouring, I reached for my cellphone and called my mom. No answer. I called my dad, no answer. I called my mom. No answer. I called my dad again and he finally answered. He was so calm. I stuttered through my words and he simply, and calmly said, "do you want me to pray for you now?" Inside, I was kinda laughing, he totally would say that. I told him that I just needed to talk to momma. We hung up and I called her again. She answered, I got three words out and the phone call disconnected. I waited 3 minutes and called her again. I told her what was going on and how scared I was and she reassured me that it would be alright. I then called my boss. She's an all-star. Hearing sweet voice helped calm me down and she said that she was heading over.
The doctor had said that she was going to call the ER and let them know that I was coming. I went to the counter as soon as I got to the ER I told them what I was there for, she took the papers that I had, and then her speed immediately increased. She finished checking me in within 5 minutes and 2 minutes after that I was headed back to a room. My nurse told me that I would probably have to get another ecg done and they would have to draw my blood. She was also moving super quickly. The fast pace was making me anxious and even more fearful. Not too long after my Granny showed up. She came over by my bed and wiped the tears away from my eyes and then began praying over me. The doctor came in and I relayed the story for about the 5th time that day. He was super sweet and promised me that he would make sure everything was ok. He said that they would need to get a cat scan of my chest to check the nerves and make sure I didn't have a blood clot. I laid in the bed for a bit. They started my IV, took my blood, did an ecg, and started me on fluids. Soon after, they sent me off to CT. That is by far one of the weirdest experiences of my life. They injected me with a dye that makes you feel warm all over – it's to highlight the blood clot on the scan. The room had clouds all over the light coverings and a automated man's voice told me how to breathe. Very weird.
After waiting for the results for 40ish minutes, the doctor came back in with the report. He said everything looked fine. There was no blood clot, PRAISE JESUS. He diagnosed me with costochondritis, which is inflammation of the cartilage that attaches the ribs to the breastbone. When it's inflamed, that means that it's larger than normal, and that cartilage begins pressing on other organs which can cause a shortness in breath. He gave me prescriptions and then I was discharged.
I left the hospital in a whirlwind. "What is this, what does this mean, and why" continued to invade my mind. As the day went on, my whole family made the trip down to see me and comfort me and help me deal with all the emotions that the day had brought. I am so thankful for all the prayers, support, encouragement, messages, and notes that everyone so graciously gave me. My utmost gratitude goes out to Jesus for protecting me and preventing my body from having a blood clot. I am thankful that out of the support i was given, Jesus was the foundation of my support team, and I could rely on Him and face the fears that kept coming.
You're probably wondering how I'm feeling now. I'm definitely feeling a lot better than I was Tuesday. I can barely feel the pain in my chest, my breathing is getting better, and my faith is stronger. Through all of this and processing through the events that happened on that day, I can't help but wonder what Jesus was trying to teach me. Ultimately, I think He wanted to remind me how much I need Him in my life. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through that day if my life wasn't rooted in the Lord. Daily, I have to surrender everything to the Lord and allow Him the spot that He deserves in the pilot chair of my life. Jesus taught me about the reality of fear and this verse keeps pulling deeply at my heart:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." – John 14:27
