I really thought training camp was going to consist on rainbows and unicorns, playing games with team mates and getting to know each other .Turns out it consisted of more time alone with The Lord, tears, teachings and honest conversations .
We had sessions about three times a day which covered multiple areas such as forgiveness, false self , how to process emotions, the difference between shame and guilt , the listen goes on .
During camp I realized I had never truly been vulnerable with the people around me , I always managed to make it look like everything was okay on the outside . I realized I was a great actress. I was always there for people but never truly invited people in to be there for me . During these two weeks we talked about how God sees us vs how we see ourselves , for me this was the realization that my views were so wrong “worthy” was not a word I would use to describe myself .after much time I see that God is proud of me and he says I am worthy of his love .This is something I’ve known but never truly understood .
We also discussed shame and guilt , yes this was a very uncomfortable day . It consisted of us telling our secrets to people we had met only a few days earlier, But the freedom that came that day was incredible . Parts of my life and my past that I was ashamed of no longer had the same power they did . Because the enemy only has power when we keep things in the dark , once we bring them to light he’s hopeless and we are empowered .
I also realized that I’m not very good at handling my emotions , if I’m honest I hate emotions , I cry a lot because I never handle the ones under the surface. Well this week that had to change , if I didn’t change it I would of never been able to have an actual conversation with people without crying. So I did what was difficult and brought my emotions to God and feeling what I needed to feel . To say this was an easy process would be a lie. I spent many hours crying , but more than just tears were shed my insecuritys, fears, doubts, feelings of rejection and false identity came out as well.
Ah false self , boy was this a fun subject . I had never really thought about who I was and if I wasn’t being true to myself . Well this is an ongoing subject at training camp . During this time I realized the lies I had told myself and the walls I built up around me . Walls that would keep me from feeling rejection, hurt, sadness , really any emotion I didn’t want to feel . So I become and people pleaser , which means even if I don’t want to do something I will do it so other people notice me . WOW. That one hurt to my core to admit . Turns out I do it a lot and I’m working on It.
So after 10 days of brutally cold nights, bucket showers, community meals, team building activities and no contact with the outside world , what did I learn?
I learned how important it is to rely on God first and the people around you second . Turns out when you can’t call your mom to tell you everything will be okay you have to look to God for that answer . And sometimes that answer comes in the form of your team mates . I’ve been blessed with an amazing community of people to walk out the next year of life with ,And I couldn’t be more excited .
Thankyou to all my amazing supporters for helping me get to training camp , below is a picture of my lovely team that I will be travelling the world with ! I couldn’t have done this without each of you !
Now it’s back to fundraising !
My next fundraising deadline is December 18th , I need 10,000$
I’m believing God for this , I know he has called me to this and will support this journey .
Is God calling you to be a part of something much larger than yourself ?
If you answer that question with a YES, considering supporting me on this incredible journey
Prayer requests : that I would be fully present in the next two months at home
That God would continue to provide for me In more ways than just financially
That the enemy would have no holds on anything in the next two months (the time after training camp between launch is usually the hardest )
