As I left Precious Bride and Salon, I climbed into the back of tuk tuk with Madison and was immediately overwhelmed with the thoughts that fled through my mind. As I looked at Madison, I managed to say, I think I was just offered a job, I don't know what to think or how I feel. Thoughts were coming and going so quickly it was hard to take them captive. I wanted to cry as I experienced a mashup of emotions.
I truly felt like The Lord was whispering to the most deepest part of my heart, I created you for this, I created you for this, and continued to sing it over me the entire time I was there. There was the part of me that didn't want to leave, I just wanted to stay with these girls and teach them and love on them and see them come into everything that Christ has for them, realizing and learning their identity in Christ and becoming empowered through the message of the Gospel. Seeing their lives redeemed and restored, and seeing them grow in their skill of cosmetology and sending them out to be successful. Yet, there was a part of me that really doesn't want to return to Cambodia. Well at least not full time or even for a long season. I like my home in America, I love my friends and family. And I suppose somewhere inside of me I have every intention and almost an expectation of returning home to i don't know what, but settling down. I mean I would like to have a job and an income again, I would like to visit my friends and see them regularly. I would love to be able to talk with my family and see them regularly. I would like to maybe start a relationship and in sometime in the future get married. And I would like to be part of a church community again and small group. And to watch my brothers football games and to see my brother regularly and do things he enjoys, going to festivals and continuing to build relationship with him…I cant move to Cambodia and do these things.
We sat quietly in the tuk tuk for a few minutes, and then Madison with the most excitement, looked at me and said, you know you are going to be returning right? When Solida told you that you were the one they were praying for, I don't think she told you that simply because you are the first one to express interest in this position, but I think she said that because she is really in tune with Father and she really believes you are the one to take that position.
There is always a cost to following Jesus. Normally it is expensive. Not in monetary terms, but in life. Matthew 10:37-39 says, " Anyone why loves their father and mother more than me is not worthy of me… Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."
Following Jesus sometimes hurts, painfully hurts. I feel like in the american church today we have this idea that if something is painful and hurts then it must not be of God. However more times then not the opposite is actually true. Jesus called us to suffer, in fact he told us that in this life we would suffer, but to take heart because he has overcome the world. Jesus told us that we must hate our father and mother and brothers and sisters in order to follow him. The hate that he demands is really a lesser love for them and a greater love for him.
Sitting in the back of this Tuk Tuk I began to process through and take into account the cost of following Jesus on this endeavor he could potentially be calling me to. It would cost a lot. As this year on the world race already came at a great expense of not being near to my family and with them through the joys and difficulties that this year has brought. And has been a real test and growing experience for all of us, in loving Christ more, and loving each other with a lesser love.
I just couldn't seem to imagine telling my family that I would be leaving again for a country on the other side of the world, after returning from a year away, and expecting them to be extremely excited about it.
The Lord has shown me so many different ways I could be of use to this ministry, how he has given me connections with people and businesses in the states that could come into play in seeing this ministry flourish and grow. I already see how The Lord has given me networks with those who could help see this come to fruition. Even down to the simply things of being able to provide every girl their own pair of shears, and setting them up with the tools needed to be successful in this industry.
I am still very uncertain of what The Lord has for me after the world race. However, I have been praying every day this year, asking him what it is he would have me do 11 months from this day, and asking him to use the race to launch me into what it is He would have me do for the rest of my life. I see that precious women could very well be a potential location for me to serve The Lord in the future for a season.
Would you join with me in asking The Lord for discernment and wisdom concerning where he would have me be and what he would have me do, and if returning to Cambodia and working with Solida at Precious Women could be part of his plan? Also, would you pray with me that if this is part of his plan He would provide the support and funds needed to not only move to Cambodia and live monthly ( I would need to raise all my own support) but that he would also entrust me with the funds and support needed to accomplish the dreams and desires of my heart for this ministry. That he would provide myself and my parents a peace about it, and that the cost of following Jesus would become easier and easier to swallow. Oh and pray about when I would go, and if I would do more training in the states before going…all the fun details. Thank you so much!
I trust that The Lord is going before me, he is going behind me and He is most definitely with me.
