(This is a post I should of written over a month ago. I am sorry that it is so late, will you please forgive me? I will write a blog here soon following giving more insight onto how I initially felt called to the mission field and to the world race!)
…I lay in my bed, discouraged and broken over the disappointment of not receiving my “dream internship” opportunity, what am I to do Lord? Why did you close this door? This was MY dream Internship. Don’t you understand, this is exactly what I have wanted and dreamed for, for years! Everything within me felt like Elijah in 1 Kings 18-19. When the Lord set before Elijah the desires of his heart and then told him that he could not have it. Why? That is always the big question. This was my big question for the Lord. And ultimately God answered Elijah (and myself) this way; For My ultimate glory and for your benefit; I have what is best is for you.
In the midst of my tears and restlessness, I was desperate to hear from the Lord. I did not want to make a decision to not go on the world race simply because I had set my eyes on something different, thinking I knew what was best for me and my life; and now was discouraged as my plans did not come to fruition. However, What was I to do in the midst of this disappointment, I wanted to have discernment but it seemed easiest to let my emotions and fear control my thinking, and to just not move forward in any direction at all.
I needed to hear from Jesus. As I lay there on a Friday night in my bed, I told the Lord that I had to hear from him. I gave him an ultimatum, “Lord I need to hear from you NOW, not tomorrow or next week, but Now! I don't know what to do”. (haha, as if He operates this way). Now, I understand that Lord speaks on his own timing, this evening though he had mercy on me, he heard my cries and answered my prayers. He spoke and I listened.
Isaiah 1:18-20 says, “Come now, let us settle this matter, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If you are willing and obedient you will eat the good things of the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
I cannot begin to explain to you how the Lord used this verse to settle in my heart for the third and final time that He had in fact called me to the Mission Field, and that He was calling me to the World Race. You would think when Jesus calls you to something, you would not question or doubt his calling. I didn’t doubt that he had called me to the world race, I just felt like the internship opportunity presented to me at the time was the “better option” for numerous reasons. After all He knew it was my dream internship, what I desired most and quiet frankly the world race would require so much more of a sacrifice.
When I read Isaiah 1:18-20, the Holy Spirit overwhelmed my heart. It was settled, no ifs, ands, or buts, I was going on the World Race! I AM going on the World Race! The Lord and I discussed how I was willing but how I had not been obedient. There is a clear distinction between the two. Delayed obedience to the Lord is simply current disobedience. I did not read this verse to say that I will eat great food next year on this adventure, although that would be great! But rather that the “you will eat the good things of the land” is Gods promise to me that if I am willing and obedient (to Him and his calling and leading), he will offer me His best for my life. I trust him with His best; after all, this life of mine is His.
In January my team and I will head to 3 Continents; Africa, Asia, and Central America, and 11 countries; Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Costa Rica, Honduras, Nicaragua, Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Nepal, and India in obedience to the calling the Lord has placed on our lives, to fulfill the great commission and proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ among the nations!
Thank you for reading my blog, I look forward to sharing with you through this means of communication as I prepare and then serve next year on the mission field.
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