As I begin month 9 of the race a lot more is changing than my country. I entered into Tanzania with a brand new team. A group of people who have never heard my story, who have no idea of my struggles or accomplishments, and I don't know theirs. With team change comes a period of time to share our testimonies with one another. This being my fourth team change it will be the fourth time I have told my testimony. Looking back at the times I have shared my story has shown me just how important my testimony is to my life. It's more than how I came to the race, it's deeper than how long I have known God, it's a progression that is never ending and a story that is ever changing.
As I sat at debrief last week I had the opportunity to share my testimony with a fellow squadmate who had never heard it before. I started and finished as I always did, explaining my family first and launching for the race last. I left the table feeling fully satisfied that I had portrayed my journey well with my words. It wasn't until later, half asleep in my tent, that I realized all the details I had left out. The relationships I skipped, the conversations I did not mention. Was I holding back details or were those part of my story that weren't part of my journey anymore?
When I first told my testimony in Malaysia it must have taken me hours. I can almost hear myself disclosing every detail of every person I had let into my life. I can remember the tears from a broken heart that was shattered by the shame of my story. I was forcing vulnerability because I was desperate for release of my past that I hadn't yet come to terms with. I wanted to push blame of all of my issues onto all the people who had done the slightest thing to wrong me. It was the hardest thing I had to do, to let the specifics of my life slip from behind the curtain I had neatly placed in front of it. PRAISE THE LORD I'm not the same!
Sitting at that picnic table at debrief I opened my heart to the deepest of places. What jumped from that spot was love. The portrayal of the people who broke me, the times I was hurt was nothing but compassion. I wept from a place of joy for what the Lord had done in me. I left out those silly little shameful memories that had nothing to do with my walk and everything to do with chagrin and embarrassment. My story has been transformed in a glorious way. It's not a big mess of guilt and pain, but a light to what God has done in my life, a map of my trials and triumphs that pointed me straight to Him and this beyond incredible life He made for me.
Our testimonies and stories are so crucial. They can be a way of reaching out to lost souls around us, a way of showing you can understand the hurt and the pain the world has but that there is hope in something so much bigger than that. But they aren't only for the people around us, they're for us as well. For those times when it seems like you aren't changing or that God isn't moving, it's a point of reference. Look at where you began and look at where you are now. If it's anything like mine, its impossible not to see the good work our Father has done in us.
