I know that I have skipped my intro blog, but before you know anything about me, it must be made known: this was not my plan.
I wanted, craved, and begged the Lord for a normal life with a home, a hot husband that leads me in the ways of Truth, and beautiful little babies to raise. I wanted to go my entire life without being pushed, stretched, or challenged. I wanted to complain about the world not having enough love, action, and hope; but, that doesn't mean I wanted to be the one to do anything about it.
I do not want to camp.
I do not want to have to learn to like rice.
I do not want to be dirty, smelly, and "happy" about it.
I do not want to carry my life in a backpack for a year.
I do not want to get bitten by mosquitoes that could kill me.
I do not want to talk with people of other religions who have no interest in my Jesus.
I do not want to encounter spiders. Ever. at all.
I do not want to obey the Lord.
The World Race is terrifying to me. I have no idea where other people have mustered up all this excitement in their blogs. I read the entries of my Squad mates and think they are absolutely out of their minds. All these goings on about "trust" and "favor" and "can't wait"-ing. I don't have that.
I see FIFTEEN THOUSAND dollars and almost pass out.
I hear that "bird spiders" and "tarantulas" are common and literally would rather die.
I have to carry WHAT?! in and on my backpack? (my home.)
This whole process scares me.
I have been trying to drop out of the trip for about a month now. Either TWR misses my call or I miss theirs, I see my sweet backpack, some "moment" with the Lord reminds me that his voice was very clear when he revealed the Race to me (thank you, Sarah.), or most of all, I hear the Lord.
I am reminded often that nothing is by chance.
My life is an awesome testament to the phrase "it's a small, small world," full of memoir filling anecdotes and crazy "no way!" moments; even how I learned about the Race is one of them. (Thanks, A.C.)
But, I don't care.
I still desire to be stubborn.
I desire to drop out, call it quits, and never think about it again.
Oh, sweet Savior, help my unbelief!
I am scared. I am so scared of all of this: the money, my health conditions in the middle of the world with not-so-great health benefits, the money, what my life would be like when I came back, being cult-ish, the money, failing, dying, failing at raising the money.
ALL OF IT.
However, one thing remains: Jesus said, "Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons: freely you have received, freely you give."
As you follow my blog, it is probably not going to have the same intone as the rest of TWR blogs you have read. For that I refuse to apologize. Mainly, the reason is because if I am going to do this, really, truly do this, I have to go all in. I must show that following the Lord's will is absolutely bone-crushingly terrifying at times.
Please pray for me. I mean really, deeply pray for me. Whether you are a friend, loved one, or complete stranger; I am asking you to jump in with me.
Pray for confidence to boldly walk into this mission.
Pray for comfort.
Major MAJOR comfort for me, yes, but mostly my parents. They are more scared than I am and incase you haven't noticed… that is quite a bit.
Pray for money, sincerely.
This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.
It already is.
