Control: to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
I would never say this out loud, but I used to think I was in control. I lived in my comfortable life and everything worked out fine. Then this world race thing happened and my life has been turned upside down, in a good way.
This month we are in Japan, living with a cute family that takes very good care of us.
It’s humbling when people take care of you, when I live in the life that thinks I am in control, humble is hard. Down to the very fact that they feed us and feed us well. That not only messes with my control but it messes with the humble factor.
I have been in a season of letting go of this said control and grabbing hold of dependency.
Dependency: the quality of being dependent.
You see I want to be totally dependent on God. I want my life to reflect him. I want my life to be a life that is in the business of multiplication for his kingdom. I want to be dependent in every aspect and that means letting go of all this said control.
This past Saturday we went and helped at a preschool.
The kids that met at the preschool however were not preschool kids. The kids that came were six to seven years old that came two times a month to meet with their once upon a time preschool teacher because she just loves them so much. At the beginning of our time together we sat together in a circle and asked if there were any prayer requests. At first I wasn’t going to share anything, then the phrase just jumped out of my mouth,
“I would like to pray for my sister. She is going to have a baby and it will be a C-section. I would like to pray that everything is going to be okay, that God would be with my sister and that she would feel his peace. I would also like to pray because I will not be there to see the baby born.”
The sweet preschool teacher explained to the kids how they prayed when she had a baby in her stomach and how God was with her. The kids shook their heads in understanding. After all requests were spoken, the kids took the requests to pray for them. They eagerly raised their hands to pray for the needs that were around the circle. As we closed our eyes and the children spoke with simple words, Holy Spirit was so tangible in the room. The little boy that had raised his hand to pray for my sister spoke,
“God be with this baby. That he may know that he is loved. And even though she is not there, you are there God. “
I wept. This simple prayer gave all control back to God. It was like in that moment, I remembered I am not in control. Through this boy’s simple prayer, dependency spilled over into my life and out weighed the control.
God is ‘JEHOVAH ROHI.’ He is the God who see’s. He can see around my circumstances. He knows what is around the corner. He works everything together for his good.
I am reminded daily on this race that I MUST BE DEPENDENT upon him. I am a world away but God has my family in his hands. I have said yes to this race and He is in control of my finances. I am dependent on him for even the very food I eat every day.
I am dependent on him and HE is faithful.
I continue to put control to death and humbly pick up dependency. To daily be dependent on God.
“Instead of allowing circumstances to get between you and God, faith is putting God between you and your circumstances.”
-Mark Batterson, The Grave Robber
Sending love from Japan,
<3
Ash
#TeamAsh
PS. Here is a picture of my new team ‘ALEPH’ as we painted our ministry house!
