“But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel ” Acts 9:15
As I have started on this journey with the World Race one of the biggest things that God has been doing is revealing to me how He really sees me ( which is nothing like I see myself ).
If you are reading this and have known me for a while I’m sure that there are points that you have witnessed some less than honorable behavior from me. I will be the first to admit that my title as a Christian was just that, a title, for a good while . That story will have to be an entirely different blog post though.
To sum things up for now, I was not living my life as I should and I knew it. Because of that I began to develop a deep sense of guilt and inadequacy. No matter what I did or how hard I tried I just couldn’t seem to be or feel like I was good enough. It felt like the harder I tried, the more unattainable being good enough was, so at some point I just gave up.
Why does this matter? …It matters, because for the longest time one of the biggest things standing in between me and truly experiencing the fullness of the love of Christ were lies .Lies that the world told me about myself, and even some that religion played a part in.
It started with me believing that I had to work for my salvation or do things to deserve it. LIE
When I failed and could not do the things that I ‘needed’ to I felt that I was dirty in the eyes of Christ. LIE
All this lead me to a place of guilt and feeling like there was no turning back; “I’m not worthy”, “I’ve messed up and sinned too much…I can’t undo it. There is no point in trying anymore “. ALL LIES
I now know what my identity is in the Lord and how he really sees me. I know that I am redeemed and that it isn’t about what WE do but instead what God did FOR US and HIS deep love for us that leads you and moves you to WANT to please Him…and ultimately to a place of what should be the life of a believer.
Fast forward to now though and I am discovering that I have still allowed lies to take root in my heart that could hold me back from what God wants for me.
When I started the application process for the World race I was sure that I wanted to do it , but when I found out about my route, The Expedition route, my initial reaction was that I wasn’t good enough for it essentially.
The description for the Expedition route included this:
“This route requires a high level of physical endurance, adaptability, leadership, and spiritual maturity. There will be additional training specifically designed for this route. Only 30 people who are ready for the Expedition will be accepted”
The route interested me , but when I read that I immediately reverted back to the lie of not being good enough without even knowing it.
” I don’t know enough” or “I’m not strong enough in my faith…Surely there are stronger Christians who are better equipped for this trip than me”. LIE
My initial reaction about this route had been that I was not good enough. For whatever reason though, I felt the Lord calling me to this route and I could not shake it. I remember even talking about it with people and saying things like “I doubt I’ll get picked”. And yet ,as if the Lord wanted to challenge my view of myself, here we are , and I was picked.
Despite that though, without me really realizing it, I was still allowing that lie to affect me. Thankfully though Christ’s love is relentless and along with His word it will always reveal the truth.
I was reading through Acts this last week and I came across this : “But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel “
As I was reading this I literally said ” What?!” and had to do a double take because I couldn’t help but think of the implication that the words ” a chosen instrument “ had.
Let’s put some context around this verse to make that clearer. In this verse God is telling Ananias ,one of Jesus’s disciples in the early Christian church ,to go and find Saul and pray for him and his healing ( Saul had been blind for the past 3 days).
Okay cool , no big deal right ? ….Wrong
This wouldn’t be so strange, except Saul wasn’t exactly the best person( which might be a slight understatement). Saul was known for persecuting and killing disciples! ( aka Jesus followers )
Why does this matter ?….Because Saul would later change his name to Paul. That is ,Paul ,one of the most well-known and influential disciples in the early Christian church. Paul, the disciple who wrote a big chunk of the books in the New Testament. In that moment though when the Lord spoke to Ananias he was Saul, a man who we would label as a murderer, evil and probably not worthy of much except maybe punishment. Despite that though, in that moment he was STILL “God’s chosen vessel “.
What an awesome picture of grace and how the Lord views us , even in our flawed and sinful states!
I read that verse and in that moment the lie of me not being “strong” enough or good enough was exposed.
For whatever reason, I am a chosen vessel. I AM good enough.
We are all good enough.
Paul , a murderer was His “chosen vessel”
David , a man who committed adultery with one of his soldiers wives and then had him killed so that he could have her ,was ” a man after His own heart” (His being God).
Rahab, a prostitute, was used by God to play a part in saving the Israelites, and she would also become part of the lineage of Jesus.
The examples continue, and are found everywhere throughout the Bible… He accepts us and wants us no matter what we have done or what we are doing. He does not see us as our mistakes or think that we are not good enough. There is no judgement, no condemnation…there is only grace upon grace , the opposite of judgment .
This world will feed us so many lies about everything…About ourselves, about our worth, about Jesus, and about Christianity.
Most people believe that Jesus and Christians see the rest of the world with judging eyes and as “not good enough” as I once did. I can admit that maybe some “Christians ” have contributed to that misconception, and on behalf of them I am deeply sorry and apologize….but they are not accurate reflections of the true heart of Jesus.
Instead, He says:
You are His ” chosen vessel “
His “treasured possession”
“a chosen people , a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession”
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” etc.etc.
My challenge to you if you are reading this is to look at yourself through the eyes of Christ. Ask yourself if it lines up with with what you believe about yourself. If you aren’t sure what He thinks , read His word and see what He REALLY has to say about you , not what this world , or even what religion tells you .
As it did and continues to do for me, it will only show you the truth , and the truth will set you free….
** Also, on a side note more relevant to my trip can we talk about how incredible it is that the love of Jesus can destroy whatever lies have manifested themselves in our hearts and lives. I am beyond excited to confront those lies on my trip and spread the truth and love of Jesus to people who may have never had the truth revealed to them otherwise. They deserve to know how loved and desired they are by our Savior and I can’t wait to let them know!! **
