I am afraid.
I am scared, terrified actually, of leaving the country for 11 months.
I’m scared I won’t have enough money to go.
I’m scared I’ll want to come home.
I’m scared I don’t have what it takes to follow through.
I’m scared I’ll let people down who support me.
I’m scared I won’t meet my deadlines.
I’m scared that I’ll think I know all the answers.
I’m scared of being so far away from my family for the first time in my life.
I’m scared of getting sick while over there or having my asthma flare and I won’t have a hospital to go to.
I’m scared I won’t be fit enough or strong enough to carry everything I own on my back for 11 months.
I’m scared I’ll be taken.
I’m scared I won’t want to be vulnerable with Jesus and with my teammates.
I’m scared I’ll shut people out.
I’m scared I’m being stubborn now and not keeping my mind open to the fact that maybe this isn’t Gods will and if it’s not, I’m scared I won’t want to accept that.
I’m scared that I’ll end up liking someone before or during the trip because that means I’m taking away from my honeymoon with Jesus.
I’m scared I won’t be mentally ready before I leave.
I’m scared I’ll stop wanting to dig into my past because it hurts too much.
I’m scared I’ll become numb and detach myself from the people I meet knowing I’m leaving at the end of that month.
But then I remember…
“The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh,when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exaltedabove the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.”
-Psalm 27:1-6
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
-2 Corinthians 12:9
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”
-Isaiah 41:10
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
-Psalm 56:3
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:6-7
“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid”
-John 14:27
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
-2 Timothy 1:7
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
-1 John 4:18
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
-Psalm 23:4
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
-Joshua 1:9
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
-Matthew 6:34
Yes. I may be terrified, but that means God is teaching me, growing me, stretching me, breaking me, bending me, and forming me into a new creation. Yes, I may be terrified, but that means His power is made perfect in my weakness. Yes, I may be terrified, but that means that He has something incredible planned. Yes, I may be terrified, but that means I am willing. And one has to be willing in order to be used. So no matter how terrified I am, I will rest easy knowing that God’s got my back. I will rest easy knowing that His kingdom come, and His will be done.
