No, that’s not just a catchy title to get you to read my blog.
Yes, I’m writing this from my home in San Clemente, California.
I come to y’all with a heavy heart, as I have officially left the World Race – for good. As most of you know, I came home to America about a month ago to recover from my appendectomy in Peru. I booked a return flight back to Chile along with my flight home, as I would never consider letting my appendix prevent me from my dream of the World Race. To be honest, I didn’t process much when I came home. I was exhausted, in pain, and refused to ever consider staying home for good. I thought I was MADE for the World Race. I love Jesus more than anything, I love telling people about Jesus, and I love missions and working with ministries around the world. I love the outdoors, roughing it, and camping. (Although the World Race really embraces that roughing it part!) I welcome the unknown and am always up for a new adventure. I’m prime World Race material, so how could I possibly ever say no?
When I arrived in Chile, I started to realize how slow my recovery was going. The plane flight took a lot of energy out of me, and I couldn’t seem to catch up on sleep. I became physically ill, exhausted, wrestled with insomnia, and was filled with an uneasiness that I didn’t belong. I took my burdens to the Lord, night after night with tears streaming down my face.
Lord, Lord, what are you calling me into?
Where are you in my pain and confusion?
DESCEND FROM THE HEAVENS AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO, DANGIT!
I told the Lord that I would follow wherever He leads,
but I needed to know WHERE.
I knew I probably wouldn’t get the WHY.
With my slow recovery, I started to feel like a burden to my team. They loved me through it so well, but I just wasn’t able to physically keep up. We were staying at a beautiful camp in Chile for our Unsung Heroes month. While the rest of our squad was spread out in Bolivia, our new team of girls was in Santiago searching for new contacts and organizations for Adventures in Missions to use in the future. This wasn’t a physically demanding month, as it mostly included prayer, researching and meetings with potential contacts. Yet here I was, physically exhausted and at my wits end. Next up – India. As I was praying, I knew that I would not be able to physically go to India, or any other Asian country. Almost every person on a different squad got parasites there recently, and I have a friend returning back to America from living there because she contracted Hepatitis. I know that my body is susceptible to getting sick – that was one of my greatest fears about coming on the race. But because of my recovery and my weak state, I needed to put my health first now.
I began to feel peace that I needed to return to America. Slowly but surely, the Lord gave me reassurance that this was His good and divine plan. Don’t mistake this revelation for this being easy. I’m at a weird place with God because I have the knowledge that I am following Him, but I’m angry about it. If it was up to me, I would be on the race, with my second family, adventuring around the world spreading the word of Jesus. That was my dream, and I’m currently in mourning over it. I know God has purpose in calling me home; just as He led Abraham to the altar to sacrifice his son, only to tell him that his obedience is what mattered and the sacrifice was no longer needed. I hope y’all know that I am walking in obedience with this decision, and truly know that God’s hand is guiding me. One of my biggest fears about returning home was wondering what people would think. I dwelled in fear of judgement. I felt like a failure and a disappointment to y’all, because I couldn’t follow through with this commitment. But our God is bigger than that. He redeems and His blood covers us with His grace. I’m praying that you understand and wholeheartedly know that I’m walking through this with Jesus by my side. Please trust that I am following Him.
I have been so incredibly blessed by the overwhelming support, encouragement, and donations from y’all in this journey. You have truly shown me the love of Christ, and for that I am forever grateful. Your financial donations are still being used for their original purpose – to further the kingdom of God. The extra funds are staying with my squad, and will aid in spreading the gospel around the world. I don’t know what’s next for me, and I’m taking some time at home to physically recover and rest with the Lord. Thank you for understanding and supporting me on this crazy rollercoaster of a journey!
God is good, now and always.
