As most of you already know, I had to return to America to recover after an emergency appendectomy. This was not an easy decision. In a way, I felt as if I had no other option, and I’m glad the Lord gave me that feeling to make it a little easier. Our living conditions are a breeding ground for infection this month. All 60 of us together in a cement compound, camping, dog and cat feces everywhere (the courtyard is their litter box, you’d wake up with a cat poop surprise outside of your tent in the morning,) sand/dirt covering every square inch, and almost 20 people have extreme diarrhea and vomiting so far – all sharing two toilets (with the number of hospitalizations rising, too.) My team agreed there was no possible way I could return there to recover from surgery. Needless to say, I knew America was where I needed to be. But no matter how much I know that, my heart wants so badly to be in Peru, in the dirt, teaching VBS and English with my team, my second family.
Reverse culture shock is one of the hardest parts about coming home from the race, and I’ve experienced this several times when coming home from different missions and travels. It SUCKS. Leaving the mission field and the intense community to go back home and be taken care of by my parents…not ideal. However, I really do feel at peace about this decision, and I know God has purpose in it. Ministry does not end when you leave the World Race, whether that’s on month 2 or month 11. My mission field is changing, but my mission is not. I am still here to spread the love of Christ and be His representative. In Peru, or in India, or in California. Although my race has taken an unexpected twist, I am still on the race – just without my team this month. My ministry is my family, and I know the Lord is going to humble me greatly through having to rely on others in recovery.
Coming on the race, my greatest fear was to be sent home because of medical issues. I tend to be really sickly, to put it lightly. I’m allergic to gluten, yeast, sugar, and I’m lactose intolerant. I am fatally allergic to fire ants, and probably more bugs that I haven’t discovered yet. I always seem to catch whatever someone else has, and I genuinely can’t remember the last time I was simply healthy. I chose to go on the race trusting that the Lord would protect me, and I still believe He has. Just not by my definition. My WORST fear on the race came true – on month TWO.
I had emergency surgery in a third world country.
I had to be sent home to recover and avoid infection.
And guess what?
I’m still alive.
I’m still on the race.
We still have an awesome, good, healing, and almighty God.
He is humbling me and teaching me to be dependent on Him, and it’s really hard. It’s incredibly painful, physically and spiritually, but it’s a beautiful process of Him making me new. I have been finding so much joy through the pain, and that’s definitely a new thing for me! I went into surgery air guitaring to “I like that old time rock and roll” on the radio, with the nurses and surgeons laughing hysterically. And that was after belting IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL on the way to the room. Y’all, I can only do this through the strength of the Lord, never my own. If I relied on myself, I would’ve been bawling the entire time, kicking and screaming and not allowing them to cut me open. I am a drama queen, and I’ve seen way too much Greys Anatomy. I have had such an incredible change in my heart from my last hospital visit to this one (less than three weeks before,) and I know it’s because I made the decision to rely on the Spirit and trust God this time. Who wouldn’t want more joy in pain?!
All it takes is some surrender, a dash of trust, a sprinkle of grace, and you’ve got a deeply engraved joy that not even your appendix can take away from you.
This is a process, and I am so so SO encouraged by all the love and prayers I’ve received from y’all. I cannot WAIT to get back on the field for month three with my team. Please be praying for my recovery, for my squad in Peru this month, and for my heart preparation when I return for month three. Thank you for loving me like Jesus loves and going on this journey with me!
