I’ve been trying to write a blog lately, but every time I start one I never get the right words. So I will tell you about what the Lord has been doing in me and through me. Right now we are in El Salvador working with a church. In the morning we split up into two groups and work with kids. This is going to be a longer month, and then we head into a shorter month, Guatemala. I can’t believe it is almost time to go home.
Almost a year has gone by. I don’t even know how long it will take for me to process everything I have seen and everything that has happened. I have learned so much. I have changed so much. The biggest thing I have learned is what it means to be a missionary. Being a missionary is definitely not glamorous. Right now I am living in a one bedroom apartment with 5 girls and 2 guys. We have a multi-use sink used for washing dishes, laundry, brushing your teeth, etc. we have a tarp for a shower curtain and the other day, some people were doing construction work using dynamite and blew up rocks that made a hole in our roof in the bathroom.
I’m not saying this to complain, I see it as a once in a life time experience! It is really funny at times and a little uncomfortable at others. Again, I say being a missionary is not glamorous.
Often times, you end up doing the work no one else wants to do. Through this time on the World Race, I have learned how to dig a hole for outhouses for a school, how to clean dishes when no one else wants to, how to sandpaper a desk, how to be more bold when it comes to praying for strangers, to not retaliate in anger when one of your teammates is not being very kind…there are a lot of things I have learned, but mainly I have learned how to live a sacrificial lifestyle. I have learned how to carry my cross daily and I am still learning. I don’t think I will ever stop learning.
Jesus said in John 14:12-Truly I say to you whoever believes in Me will do the same works I have been doing, and greater works.
But when I have thought about these works I always thoughts about how people were healed, demons cast out, people set free from addictions…but I forgot how Jesus also washed the feet of His disciples. Taking on the role of a servant, He served out of love.
As Jesus’ disciples, yes we will see the captives set free, we will see people healed of sickness and infirmities, but we also are called to wash each other’s feet, to serve one another.
This is a generation of people who walk in pride. This year I realized what a proud person I am. That I base how I serve others based off of whether or not I think they, “deserve” it, or if they love me well in return.
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how many nations I travel to, how many people the Lord heals through me, if I can prophecy, if I can build a church…if I don’t love my brother, or don’t do these acts of service out love, then it meant and means nothing.
This past 10 months, the Lord has taught me how to love. How to really love. And how to trust and allow others to love me. Not based off what I think it should look like, but Biblically based, how to love others. And He is still teaching me. He is still working with me. But I love because He first loved me. And I receive love a lot better than I use to. A lot of the defensiveness and pride is gone.
I have had some beautiful experiences with love this year. In South Africa, the woman who would cook at the boys home we were working with, everyday we worked in the kitchen together, and she would tell me stories of her husband and their kids. She would make me tea and we would sit and show each other pictures of our families and the last day when we left, we hugged and cried. She would always call me, “dearie” and would tell me how much she loved me.
In Madagascar for my birthday, and my dear friend Jessica arranged a surprise dance party for me. Also I made a dear friend who worked at the church in Madagascar who treated me like a sister, always praying for me and always looking out for me. I am so grateful for her friendship that month, and even to now.
In Vietnam four of our friends took me and Vivian, my teammate and friend, out to try traditional Vietnamese food and blessed us so much that day by loving us, paying for our meal, and spending time with us.
In Thailand my teammate and friend Claudia knew how much I love to play. She asked me if I wanted to play basketball with her, not because she likes it but because she knew it would bless me. Also our host Eedie and Sweetie became like family. They treated us so well, always loving us and blessing us. We went there to serve them and love them, and they ended up really blessing and pouring into us in return.
In Malaysia, my friend Suri taught me about being content in all circumstances. She blessed me with Ginger tea. I loved spending time with her. We would talk for hours about God and about His goodness. She would always tell me how stubborn she was, but if God can get her, He can get anybody.
In Nicaragua the family I have written about who treated me like a sister and a daughter, I miss them so much. We didn’t speak the same language but we had a lot of laughter and a lot of time well spent together. You don’t have to speak the same language or always understand each other in order for the other person to be loved.
My friend and teammate Ashley bringing me a bag of my favorite peanuts because she knew I was having a hard day. And then telling me to rest while she went and did my chores for me. She is really good at loving others well.
Even today my teammates let me stay behind to have some time in prayer. I have a gracious and loving team, which I am very grateful for. And even right now, as I’m writing this blog, our dear neighbors made me food for lunch. The other night they surprised us with a table with a beautiful table clothe, and always bring us food. They treat us like family.
I know all of these things may seem small…but when you are away from home and halfway across the world, or as of right now really close to home…these things matter. And they mean a lot. I have been shown what it means to love by teammates, strangers, ministry host, and so many. I am so blessed to have come on this journey. I have served, and I have been served. I have loved and I have been loved.
Yes I have loved others also. I have not always done it perfectly, but I have done it. But I have learned so much of what it means to be loved, what love looks like, loving how Jesus loves…
Even though this journey has had its difficult moments, it has been more than worth it. God is so good. I am so grateful He has brought me here and that He has used me to impact others, but He has also used so many to impact me. I have thousands of stories. I have them all in my journals. Thank you to everyone who has supported, loved, prayed, and encouraged me.
I would not be where I am today without how God has used you.
