I've been really struggling with writing a blog, and for the longest time I wasn't sure why. God has been doing so much in just the last week, and still I couldn't get myself to write about them. I was starting to doubt myself and think maybe I haven't been truly experiencing God at all this week, and I've still been living ministry life like a zombie, just day in and day out.
But that just seems hard to believe, because I could see what God's been doing here in Guatemala and in my squad. Then I realized what my problem was. It wasn't that God wasn't doing anything, or that I haven't been experiencing Him, it was that I was worrying too much about people pleasing.
Let me explain.
One of the things I have been struggling with was that perhaps I was going on the World Race for myself. I mean, there is a high possibility that the race will change me, and I get to experience God in ways I won't be able to in my comfortable life in America. Sometimes, that thought makes me think that it's selfish of me to go. It's selfish of me to ask for support towards this trip that might be just for me. This was one of the reasons I stopped fundraising for months.
I started asking God whether I should still fundraise for this trip, or even if I should still go. And the answer He gave me was this: you can't divorce spiritual growth and ministering to His people. He showed me that yes, this trip will provide such a great opportunity to love on His people in the nations we'll be going to. And through that, I will get to draw closer to Him as well and experience Him in ways I can't even begin to imagine.
So I started fundraising again and started telling more people about my trip. I faced another problem: the people that are supporting me might not have the same conviction I do. Once I do start blogging about the different ministries I'm working with, they'd start thinking the support they gave me wasn't worth it. I mean, I gotta make them happy, right? Aren't I using their money?
The obvious answer that God gave me, of course, was a big fat NO. I have to realize that it's not their money to begin with, and I should definitely not try to put God in a box just so I can make my supporters happy. They are not the ones that bought my life and my time, it's already been paid for by Jesus. So I shouldn't be living out this ministry as a slave to my supporters. And that's when I decided to not try to prettify the week and just be a simple witness to what God's done.
For that you'll have to wait for my next blog since this one's already too long 🙂
