Students with spitballs, bogus (often hilarious) homework excuses and cheat sheets aren’t your idea of blessings? I’d reconsider…
I just want to be a good teacher! What is wrong with that? Countless days of frustration and tears along with joy in the small victories characterize my past 4 months teaching 9th graders Spanish 1. I know that God wants me here, so why the heck isn’t this all working out??!! Instead of granting my wish, God taught me how to do it so that I can better serve the students I have now and might have later on. Talk about intense on-the-job training.
I spent the first 2 months trying to find some magical tricks so that the rest would be smooth sailing. Ha! Fickle doesn’t even begin to describe 9th graders! Plus I’m a 1st year teacher – lots of veteran teachers have told me they still don’t have all the answers and probably never will and that there WILL be good and bad days your entire career. Then I looked at my motivation. WHY was I praying for perfection? I came up with 2 reasons:
*I honestly wanted to be a good teacher for my students.
*I wanted a “comfortable” job.
My definition of comfortable: An easy job with less work and students who wouldn’t frustrate me/test my limits and would hang on my every word
God opened my eyes when I was reading John 21. Jesus told Peter,
“Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this in dicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
Peter was crucified upside down because he did not feel worthy of dying as Jesus did. Peter, who was seeking God’s will, was definitely not lead along a “comfortable” road. If I truly want the same (God’s will), then why shouldn’t I expect an uncomfortable road too? How many times have I read about the challenges we’ll face?? or about rejoicing in trials?? I don’t think that God promises us comfort in big houses and awesome cars…why didn’t I see in the rest of life?
God was probably laughing at me. His disciples, my students, and I have a lot in common. We’re reluctant learners. And many of us just don’t get it the first (second, third, forth…) time. I can’t tell you how many dreams I’ve had lately about learning something and just not getting it! (Or like the time my mom tried to explain my taxes to me – that was real…ugh!) God reminded me often of how much patience, love, etc. he had with his disciples.
So I readjusted my prayers. Instead of praying that my students would be darling angels, I asked God to show me how to be a better teacher and classroom manager. I prayed for God’s strength and joy because up to that point I had relied on my own – which clearly wasn’t enough! God completely stripped me of my own strength and efforts so that I would rely on him. (I’ve always been a pretty self-reliant person.) The days I’m full of His joy and strength are amazing. We learn, laugh and make connections. The job still isn’t “comfortable” according to the definition I was using, but I walk into room 058 fully armed to deal with whatever my students come up with next. Smooth sailing? Ha! I’m pretty sure God laughs at that phrase too.
I now focus on teaching for the glory of God. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! I’m not serving myself or my students desires but God’s.
But what if God had answered my prayers the way I originally wanted him to?
*I wouldn’t have learned how to be a better teacher. I’d been told 1000x things that work/don’t work, but until I tried and failed or succeeded I didn’t get it.
*I wouldn’t have prayed for my students as much as I do now.
*I’ve learned about praising God in the storm.
One of my swim coaches told me, “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” He was talking about holding my breath longer, but I think about that phrase a lot in life. It’s about redefining comfortable. God is CONSTANTLY redefining comfortable for me…living abroad, teaching, and soon the world race!
So I thank you Lord for the frustrations you’ve brought me and will bring to me. I’m sorry that I won’t always appreciate them or “get it.” I ask that you will allow me to see them from your perspective. Thank you so much for your endless love, mercy and grace.
