Before I get into the meat of this post, I first owe every single one of you an apology. For the past three weeks, I've been running away from this process of preparation for the Race that God has had me on. I got spooked by all the emotional baggage God has been bringing up, and I ran and hid. Because, honestly, that's what I'm best at. And in my running, I closed myself off to being open and vulnerable with you all, and to allowing to love you as God would have me.
So, I am truly and honestly sorry for this. For all of you who read my blogs, who have chosen to walk beside me in the journey in whatever way you have (emotionally, prayerfully, or financially), know that you are so highly appreciated by me, and I wouldn't be able to do this without each and every one of you. You will all be in my heart for the rest of my life, including those anonymous givers. You, most of all, bring joy into my life. 🙂
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord in on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach the good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of or God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion –
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness, instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise, instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations."
~ Isaiah 61: 1-4 (NIV)
Last night, this verse was shared with me. It hit me hard and has brought me down a path with God that I'd love to share with all of you.
This verse is a prophecy that Jesus Christ fulfilled when He came to Earth to die for our sins and offered us forgiveness and an eternal life in relationship with Him.
But this verse is more than just a telling of what Christ did, it is a promise for all believers of what He will do in us, individually, as we walk in a personal relationship with Him. And it is a telling of what us, as believers, will do for the world as we spread the love of Christ to the nations.
It is no secret of mine that I have been through some pretty tough and traumatic things in my life. (If you are sitting here confused, click the "Get to Know Me" link on the left for a bit of my story.) I've often despised the things that have happened to me, and for years, I wished that my past was not what it was. And even still to this day, I sometimes struggle with wishing that my testimony was different, that I wouldn't be saddled with the burdens, the memories, of my childhood.
But in the last year, and especially in the last six weeks, I have experienced more healing of my wounds than ever before. And as I come into healing, I've begun to realize the grand scheme of why God trusted me to go through these things in order to glorify Him.
You see, it is my experience of being completely broken and hopeless, and of being brought up and out of despair and into joy and hope and love that drives my heart for missions (local and global).
I know the in's and out's of what one goes through with abuse. The lies we begin to believe, how skewed the idea of "love" becomes, the feeling ruined and damaged. The desolation and isolation victims so often sit in, almost as a fortress that seems impossible to break through. And as God brought me out of my own fortress and continues to break the lies I believe, my heart yearns to be able to bring that same thing to other victims. I've had the pleasure and honor of coming alongside many women as they begin to process their abuse, and I pray that God gives me every opportunity on the Race (and in my life) to continue to do so.
I also know what it looks like to feel worthless and incapable of being loved. I know what it is like to have my sense of worth wrapped up in having a man "love" me (something our society tells us women we need every day), and wrapped up in my performance as I try to earn what little worth I think I may deserve. But over the years, God has stripped away that paradigm and shown me what it means to be His daughter, and that my worth comes solely from Him (and that is cannot be tampered with). As I stand in the freedom of my new identity, I long to see my fellow believers, especially my sisters-in-Christ, come into full understanding of their new identifies as daughters of the greatest Father that ever existed.
And lastly, but often most of all, I understand what it means to be an unwanted child, rejected before birth, and never loved as I should be. But God has shown me how much He desperately loves me, wants me, and pursues me and God continues to pour out His love onto me even now. God's love is a love so vast that I could never fully comprehend it, but when I do get just a glimpse of it, my mind is blown by its power. And I desperately want to be able to show and spread that love to the children of the world; kids that have had to grow up too fast, that have never gotten the chance to just be children. Kids who desperately need to know that there is a Father who loves them.
And so this is why I'm going on the World Race. Yes, I'm excited to see the world, and I'm greatly excited to see how my relationship with God grows in intimacy and trust. But more so, I want to live out Isaiah 61, to preach the good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and to release darkness for the prisoners, in the name of Jesus Christ. To be part of the those what are rebuilding, restoring, and renewing people's hearts and soul that have been long devastated. Because I've been there, and Christ has restored my heart and soul, and given me a heart to see the same for others as well.
As much as I want to go on the World Race, I cannot go on my own! I need your help to get overseas and to be able to stay there the entire 11 months. Currently, I need $2,150 by December 18th in order to launch to my first country, and I need $10,928 by July 1st to be fully funded. So, please, if you would carefully read through the following options and consider doing one or more. And please, invest in this for me, yes; but more so, invest in this for all of those people I will be meeting, showing love, and giving hope to along the way.
1) Commit to giving monthly. Especially if you are currently sitting here and thinking "Oh man, I want to help, but I don't really have a lot I can give." $10 may not seem like much, but when you give $10/month for 8 months, that's suddenly $80 in my account. And that is HUGE to me. 🙂
2) Give one-time. Because, I get it, giving monthly is scary or you just may not be in the position to do so. But anything and everything DOES help. Some of my favorite moments of fundraising is seeing that random $5 come into my account.
3) Help spread the word! My network of people only spreads so far, but with your help, my network can expand exponentially. Share my blogs on Facebook, tell your friends about what I'm doing, ask your parents or others you know to give. The most encouraging moments during fundraising for me is seeing other people get excited about what I'm doing, and to have you there alongside me helping me to fundraise…well, words cannot express how thankful I am to that!
And no matter what you choose to do, please pray! I need this trip covered in a spiritual blanket of love! Pray for me, pray for my team and my squad mates, pray for provision, and most of all, pray for opportunities overseas to minister to others; that God would open up doors and do crazy things in my time overseas!
And again, thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all dearly!
