I'm not even sure where to start this blog. So much has happened in the last six weeks…college graduation, the end of my time with Cru, my niece's 1st birthday, my sister's boyfriend being hospitalized (he's fine now, praise the Lord!), and even as I write this, I'm preparing to say good-bye to my college friends that have been my family for the past four years.
But the main point of this long-needed post is to inform you guys that six weeks ago, to the day, God chose to let me in to the fact that He was to re-route my plans for the future. Before any of you can begin to worry, I am still going on the World Race, there is no doubt about that, but my launch date and the countries I'm going to have changed.
This is my original route….September, Route 2 (or V Squad). When I first applied for the World Race, I knew that God was calling me to go on the race in general, but when it came to which specific route to go on, God was silent. I took that as He was leaving it up to me to choose (turns out the route He wanted me on just wasn't announced yet), so I went with the route with the most countries that my heart yearns for…countries I'm familiar with, have always wanted to go for, and that my heart has already broken for.
As the weeks and months went on from my acceptance, something just didn't quite seem to fit. I couldn't place my finger on it; there was no reason for me to be doubting, so I chalked up my feelings to doubt that Satan was trying to instill in me and I pushed them away as much as possible.
Our last weekly meeting for Cru is traditionally our "Senior Send-off", where everyone who is graduating is brought up on stage and asked to share with everyone what we majored in, what our plans were after college, and a piece of advice to leave with others. It was my first time announcing out loud to a group of people that I was leaving in September to go on the World Race, and from that moment on, I just didn't feel right; I knew that something was wrong.
I went to lunch after the weekly meeting like I usually do, but during the course of our meal, I grew quiet as the feeling that something was wrong grew inside me and I felt this overwhelming need to go have a quiet time with God. So I left lunch, went back to my apartment, removed myself from all distractions, sat down and said, "Okay, God, what's going on here?" And the following conversation ensued (the condensed version, of course):
God: You're not going to leave in September, April, I want you to leave in January.
Me: Wait, what? But why?!? What route would I even go on?
January, Route 3.
But why that route, Lord?
I want you in Central America.
But, where would I stay those extra months?
I want you at your parents', of course.
Hahaha. You're kidding, right? I have no life there.
Where would I even go to church for community?
Go to Bethel, they will be your community. I will use them to grow you.
I wish I could say that after this conversation, I chose to obey immediately and with joy in my heart. But I'm a sinful, stubborn girl, and looking back, I realize that I had begun to hold the September route a little too tightly in my hand. Instead, I went through every stage of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression — before finally reaching some acceptance on the situation. It has taken me a bit of time (I am a person who naturally likes plans and hates change), but I know that the Lord would not ask me of this if it wasn't in my best interest, nor part of His plan to use me as He sees fit. So here is my new route, January Route 3:
I'll be starting in Guatemala and then heading towards Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, South Africa, Mozambique, Swaziland, Myanmar (Burma), Thailand, Malaysia, and the Philippines. I have to admit, I still have some crazy mixed emotions about this, on which I'll update you on in another post; but overall, I'm excited. I have no idea what God has in store for me in the next five months while I live with my parents nor in the eleven months I'll be overseas, but I'm walking forward with my God by my side, guiding me along the way and that's all I desire in this moment. 🙂
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