aka…This is My Being Fat for Jesus Blog.
One of the biggest challenges for me on the Race has not
been the lack of American comforts, being away from home, eating weird food, or
having frequent bouts of intestinal problems. Nope, one of the hardest things
that I’ve gone through is the fact that I’ve been gaining weight while living
in 3rd world countries. How that is possible? Let me give you a
glimpse of my journey thus far:
Pre-Race: My relationship with food was fine. I got to
choose what to eat, and when I would eat it. As most girls are apt to do, I
always wished I was just a bit skinnier, but I still felt as though my diet and
exercise routine was sufficient for a healthy lifestyle. I knew that on the
Race, you don’t always know when or what you will be eating, as was shown to us
at training camp, but figured I would just take what I could get and be
fine–As long as I didn’t spend extra money on candy & sweets, as I’d heard
happens to girls on the Race.
January- India was a shock to the system, a quick wean from
the fat & sugar-laden American food, and a jump into an endless supply of
rice, chappati, curry, and chai. The only times I ever overate this month was
on our return to Hyderabad.
A day of BOTH Hard Rock Café, then an evening trip the The Chocolate Room. And
yes, it was as good as it sounds! I was doing okay with my food, okay with how
my weight was, and think I even lost a bit of weight.
February- We were getting fed by the ladies at Asha Nepal, with two
meals of our day being rice & lentils with the occasional vegetable. This
was fine, and not too caloric, but I was not being real with my teammates.
Instead of confronting one of my teammates, somehow my mind thought that if I
just overate, my problems would go away. Nope, all I ended up doing was burping
and stomach-aching while still holding on to bitterness and frustration. Real
healthy, I know. Good thing was, overeating rice & lentils doesn’t show up
on your waist-line too bad, plus I was sick for a good part of Nepal,
including, but not limited to, projectile vomiting.
March- Return to the Western world! Welcome to pastries
galore, pizza, and things that don’t come in low-fat formats. We cooked for
ourselves this month, which was really nice, but I didn’t always enjoy the
freedom. Though I had started to confront my teammates about things and not
just eat my feelings, I was turning to food for joy when I started missing
home. When I missed my family or was hearing about fun stuff that was happening
at home, I ate. Bad choice! Though this month was full of mistakes, I did start
making a conscious effort to work out daily, and the girls on our two teams had
many discussions about our relationship with food. I started reading “Made to
Crave”, and reading the 21-day devotional that was free on the Kindle. This
helped to get new vision, to come to terms with the fact that I was turning to
food instead of the Lord, and illustrating that the strain between God and food
has been around for quite some time (garden of Eden, Egyptians complaining
about manna, etc.) I gained some new tools, began a running routine on the
compound, and was excited to take things in my own hands.
hard to have self control when there’s a big tub of ice cream that you haven’t seen for 3 months…..
April- Moldova: The land of invertita, rooster jelly, a
rampant use of mayonnaise and bread. Can I just say that though Moldovans are
not always happy and friendly, they sure do know how to show hospitality!! And
they show it by giving you food. A LOT OF
FOOD. Everywhere we went, there was food; they were always feeding us, and it
definitely wasn’t low-calorie! Plus, if you don’t eat enough, they think that
you don’t like it and are being rude. Vicious cycle! This month I struggled
with homesickness quite a bit, and this was the driving force whenever I made
mistakes. Elaina, KK & I had to start keeping each other accountable to
what we were eating at each meal, and we would end our nights with mini-workout
sessions, which were pretty comical if you were to watch us in our tiny room,
jumping around and doing crunches in our cramped space. This was the first
month to meet “Angelica” (named after the Rugrat), my new belly. I have never
had belly fat before, it always just accumulated in my thighs, but there is a
first for everything! This is where I started noticing in pictures, and was
frustrated about how I looked and how tight my clothes were starting to get…
you can see the beginning stages of the evil Angelica…
May- This month started a turnaround for me. I started
exercising almost every morning with my friend Loretta, we were walking most
places to do ministry, and the food was usually just pup (ground maize), a sort
of stew with beans & veg with the occasional meat, and a “salad”
reminiscent of a coleslaw. I felt good about this month, and my only regular
indulgence was my daily Pin Pop, a close but better cousin to the Blow Pop
(they really have the gum formula down). I enjoyed our 45 minute walks to the
clinic, and was starting to feel good about myself again. I talked smack to
Angelica almost every day, and was starting to get excited about her
disappearance. One of the best parts of this month was when our squad met up in
Tshaneni and Elaina told me I got skinny. SCORE!!!!!
June- Here’s where it all falls apart. You would think, in
African countries, that no one would get fat. When there are starving kids
everywhere, you wouldn’t think it was necessarily possible. Wrong wrong wrong!
Our contacts SPOILED us this month. Alan & Kathy are Americans who have
been missionaries for over 20 years, and Kathy is a whiz in the kitchen-she
whipped up things like chocolate chip cookies, burritos, spaghetti, lasagna,
tex-mex eggrolls, biscuits & gravy, pigs-in-a-blanket, pumpkin soup, and
homemade cinnamon rolls. CRAZY!! Although my tastebuds thoroughly enjoyed each
meal, my body was showing differently. Melanee and I started running about
every morning around the compound, for 20-30 minutes, though I knew this wouldn’t make much of a
difference. I was having a good mindset though, not overeating much and
thinking positive thoughts about the progress I had made.
And then.
And THEN!!!
The shorts.
You see, my teammate John went home to America for his
brother’s wedding. I had my mom send him a few things, including pictures of my
family, vitamins, and some running shorts. I was so excited when John pulled
all the goodies out of the bag, and promptly went to put on the shorts that I
have had for the past 4 years-I ran my half marathon in them, and they are my
favorite shorts to work out in, and they reminded me so much of home. Bad news.
They don’t fit. At all. Not even slightly.
I was pretty upset about this, because so far all my clothes
I brought with me are still fitting, albeit tightly. It put me in a sad state
for the rest of the day, and I had to bring it up in team time because it was
bothering me so much. I even had Steve put in our C&C at the end of the
week, because I was feeling so down about it.
Thankfully, Hollis was wise enough to bring me out of my
funk. She read my C&C from the US, and sent me such an encouraging
email, reminding me that I am not defined by the way I look. A little bit of excerpt:
“Never doubt yourself,
or how God created you. You are so beautiful and such an incredible person.
Don’t let the pressures of this world eat at you, that is only the enemy trying
desperately to stop you from reaching your potential…he knows of the greatness
inside of you! And remember too that this year is a sacrifice. Most of us go
into it thinking, I’m sacrificing my time, my comforts, my friends and
family…that sort of thing. For us girls, we also sacrifice our bodies. We can’t
eat what we want and we can’t take time to work out or do what we normally
would. It;s hard. But know that it is only for a year, and that usually when
racers come home their bodies readjust back to their old selves. Don’t let this
take you down. I know how much of a distraction and even burden this can be
though, so know that I am here for you if you need anything.”
Just. What. I. Needed. To. Hear.
Yes, I can make little choices every day, like choosing my
serving size if I get to serve myself, or choosing to wake up a little early to
work out. But ultimately, I have to
remember that this year is not about me. It’s about serving the Lord, and
if that means carrying around a few extra pounds for the next few months, so be
it! I’ve lost weight before, and I know that once I return to America I’ll be
able to return to my normal self.
Until then…here’s to being fat for Jesus!
sometimes, when i’m feeling fat, I just make Suzi take my picture and I feel 10 times better.
