There are only a choice people that were privy to this
situation as it unfolded, but I’ll let you in on our Team Rapha Report. Many of
you know that we lost one of our team members, Thomas Garza early on this trip.
We spent a few weeks in ministry with him, but for various reasons, he decided
that the Lord was calling him to go back home. It was hard to see him leave,
but it was definitely made easier by the fact that we weren’t bonded too
closely as a team yet. Fast forward to about 1 month ago….
the original 7 in India
Justin & Kristan are the only married couple on our
squad, and I was drawn to them the moment I met them at Training Camp back in
October. They are such genuine people, and I knew we would become close over
our next year on the same journey together. They are real Jesus people, looking
out for others with a supernatural amount of selflessness; they are funny,
intelligent people who simply want to live their lives for the Lord. Married
couples on the Race occasionally go on a “getaway trip” to strengthen their
marriages and have some time away from the team. The Gibsons went on a
Valentine’s trip into Kathmandu for a couple days, and told us some news when
they got back. With tears in their eyes and heavy hearts, they shared that they
would be heading home.
I was so devastated. Even as I write this, tears are welling
in my eyes…I miss them so much!
Thankfully, though, there is one very important reason for
them leaving. Here is their story, written as a blog & an email to the rest
of the squad:
We would like to include you in a huge part of our life that most
of you don’t know anything about.
Approximately April 2009, Justin was working at Carpenter’s Church
in Lubbock, TX, which is a church that caters to the homeless population in
Lubbock. On a random day, a young girl of 20 came into the church with her 1
year old daughter. Immediately, Justin and the girl hit it off. He spent the
entire day helping her work out some legal issues and was able to hear her
story. Like many homeless women, this girl had a horrific story that included
being given up to the foster system by her mother who was addicted to crack, an
emotionally/physically abusive family system, a current boyfriend who beat her,
and a new daughter that was born weighing 1lb6oz, that had amazingly survived.
They were so desperate for help.
Prior to this meeting, we had been very convicted with the fact
that we had an extra bedroom in our home. The reality of working with the
homeless on a daily basis and living in a house too big for a single married
couple began to not mesh. So, after a string of events, the young girl and her
daughter moved in with us. We have always felt like real change in people
happens when you are able to live life alongside them and serve them in a more
communal, intimate way.
So, they became a huge part of our life. We functioned as a family
system and for most parts, life was so good. As time progressed, we began to
see serious red flags that worried us when it came to her parenting style, her
habits, and her patterns for destructive behavior. She too also began to
understand that life didn’t have to be in a state of constant chaos. On many
occasions, she would tell us things such as, “Wow, I never knew that married
people didn’t cheat on each other.” Or “Wow, when you guys disagree, you don’t
yell at each other and call the cops.” She began to see life very differently,
and we began to understand where she had come from. But, we still proceeded to
help her restore her life and try to get out on her own.
In the course of us working towards her independence, she found
out that she was pregnant. After the fact, she did not see her boyfriend and
she carried the baby while living at our house. She gave birth to him and I,
Kristan, was able to be in the delivery room right by her side as he came into
the world. The whole process of our life was very connected to this family and
we loved them just as if they were our blood relation.
However, as time progressed, we felt an increasing dependence and
sometimes her tendency to take advantage of us. For example, after the baby was
born, she would say that she was going out for a few minutes and come back
hours later, with the assumption that we would take care of her children while
she was gone. We began to feel an unhealthy relationship building and so we
began to encourage her to work on becoming independent. She had managed to save
some money and after about a year, she moved into her own house. (Side note-the
house was next door to ours. 🙂 )
We thought it was the best decision for her at the time. However,
as people who are use to chaos do, she began her cycle of destructive behavior.
She began drinking excessively, neglecting the children, and hanging out with
guys that were not good.
On the other hand, we began to realize how much we had parented
her children, and we began to miss them like they were our own children. We
would make them stay the night with us when she was drinking, we would buy them
food or clothing when she wasn’t, and we really felt the need to get them away
from her behavior.
So again, through a series of events, we became more serious about
our actions and even became their full time guardian. She also, on more than
one occasion, made comments that we should adopt them because she didn’t want
them. This is all going on as we are feeling the desire to come on the World
Race. So we began to battle back and forth with ourselves to figure out if we
should pursue keeping the children or leaving for the World Race.
Then in the summer of 2010, after 2 months of us having the
children full time, she made the decision really easy for us by just leaving
with the kids. She told us that she was moving in with her mother, the same mom
that had given her up for adoption, and she was going to pursue life on her
own. As you can imagine, we were devastated. We had let ourselves get too
attached to babies that we thought could be ours. We were playing house with
these two beautiful children that were eventually taken away from us with
nothing left to do.
So, we felt like that was our cue to pursue the World Race and
start our life fresh away from the drama of that situation. Even at training
camp, the World Race staff asked us about the situation and encouraged us to
think about what we would do if the opportunity came up to adopt the kids. At
training camp, we were so burnt out from the situation and seriously did not
think that it would ever happen. So, we told them that we didn’t see that being
a reality, but we hoped that our support system at home would rise to meet the
need even if we were on the World Race.
Now, moving on to the reason for the email: approximately 1 month
ago, while we were in India, our parents emailed us that this girl had signed
away her rights to her oldest child, who is now three. And, the little girl was
living with my (Kristan) parents. My mom went to pick her up and packed all her
toys and clothes and took her home. As you can imagine, we were immediately
confused about why this would happen now. We immediately told our team the
situation because they had been filled in on the whole story from the
beginning. We continually prayed that things happen or didn’t happen so we
would know how to respond. However, as we began to talk with my parents, they
asked us whether or not we wanted to become the parents of this little girl.
Our first and confident thought is “Yes.” We had wanted that even before we
left, but we honestly didn’t think that it would ever happen.
Since then, we have followed the story closely and have fleshed
out the situation with our teammates, our families, and each other. After many
tears and advice, we feel confident in the decision to leave the World Race to
begin the process of adopting the oldest girl. Our teammates are more than
supportive and after knowing the situation and walking with us through it, they
too think that it is the best decision. We feel embarrassed to go back on our
commitment to AIM and are so heartbroken to leave team Rapha. They are four of
the most quality people that any person could ask to serve along side. As we
made this decision together, they cried with us and spoke so much life into our
decision that we feel confident in their continued love and support. They are
our advocates and some of our dearest friends now.
We have great support at home and our parents have even offered to
keep the little girl if we want to stay on the race. We have thought about that
option, but if she is to become our daughter, we want her to know that she is
more important to us than staying half a world away. She deserves the best
parents that we can be. When we speak to her on Skype, we can’t imagine parenting
her for the next nine months through the computer screen when internet is
available.
The great thing our teammates have said is that they feel like the
World Race is a tool that will make its racers more aware of the injustice that
goes on and change them into people that live missional lives, even after the
World Race ends. They told us that they feel like we already get that and are
going home to minister as well. We are so humbled to serve with them and so
encouraged that they see that in us.
We are very sad to leave, but can’t imagine making our “daughter”
wait for us for the next year.
We would love to hear your thoughts about the situation and wish
you the best as you head to the next nine countries. We truly love the way that
the World Race forces you to change and think outside yourself. We are excited
to see what God has ahead of them. We couldn’t have made this decision without
the constant support and love of our teammates. If you are teamed with them at
a later time, you are truly blessed.
Thanks KK, Elaina, April, and Roberto for everything. This
experience would have been nothing without you to serve with, laugh with, and
cry with. We can’t wait to see you in Texas when the race is over.
We love you all and will continue to keep up,
Justin and Kristan
(you can follow them at their new blog, http://justinandkristangibson.blogspot.com)
————————————————————
There you have it! We are all so excited about their new
lives as parents to Devine, but miss them terribly. We have Skyped with them a
few times and cherish every bit of news about their American lives. Pray for
them as they work at their new jobs in Lubbock (but pray they would find better
ones!), find a house, and figure out this whole parenthood thing. I love them
so much!
on our first day to do ministry in Atlanta. I loved them so much already!
Us on their last day with us before flying back to America
….and then there were FOUR!!! Team Rapha is small but
mighty. I am the new Finance chair, but otherwise there haven’t been any
changes. I still love my team and we are continually learning to love each
other and live in community….plus add to our list of inside jokes. Who knows
how long they will let us stay together, but I will be treasuring every moment…..
