Despite being a missionary, there are the occasional times during a month where you don't have to walk or take public transportation, you actually get to ride in a car. This month has been one of those rare months; we have been able to travel by car to rural Carepoints. Carepoints are located throughout the country of Swaziland, and are sponsored by churches or online. They vary from place to place — some are really big with over 300 children, while others have around 150. A lot of them have preschools within them and others have churches that are part of the Carepoint. The children at these care points range from 3-18 but most of them are little precious kindergarteners. They are used to missionaries coming in and leaving but nonetheless they love when white people come! They love trying to rub our skin because they think we are black underneath, they love touching our hair, and if you’re a dude with a beard they love facial hair, they think it’s so interesting. The one thing that is constant at each Carepoint is that every child that comes after school will be fed. Every other day the children get fortified rice with mixed veggies, while the other days they get “pap,” which is basically a maize flour that looks like cotton, and beans. It’s delicious but does not supply much nutritional value so that’s when the fortified rice comes in handy. Now that you know what a Carepoint is, you will know what I am talking about in this and my subsequent blog.
Part of our ministry this month in Swaziland is going to these rural Carepoints and doing whatever needs to be done. One of the things that we got to do was properly fit kids for shoes that church sponsors had raised money to provide. [If you knew me prior to the World Race, you know that I worked at Nike for 3.5 years prior to the Race; that being said, I like shoes A LOT.] The particular Carepoint that I’m writing about seemed to be just another Carepoint: cute kids with amazing smiles, lunch cooking outside, the leader of the Carepoint getting things in order. All of this seemed normal, but then it changed for me.
Once we had finished fitting the children with shoes, we packed up and said our good byes to them. We loaded the car and were ready to head out. I was the last one to get to the car because these children are amazing and I never want to leave them. I went to the car, opened the door, and as I did so, the kids made a semi-circle around the car because they knew we would soon be driving off. As I hear the door shut, I get smacked in the face with a question for which I still do not know the correct answer. Is what I am doing, doing more harm than good?
These parents and their children have been deceived their entire lives — the government promises things and does not deliver, the country gets so much financial aid and the people see so little of it. So much so that we cannot even tell these children we will see them later because they remember us and will remember if we don't show up the next day; to them “see you later” means tomorrow. We go into these places trying to help these people, but that is how we see it. How do they see it? They constantly have missionaries and aid workers coming in, giving them all these things and leaving. Giving “things” does not fix anything if they do not know Christ. We can give them a nice house, new clothes, food for years, but if we don't share the love of Christ and what He did for each and every one of us, then all of that means nothing – if they go to hell because we “went to the nations” but we did not fulfill what Christ told us to do by making “disciples of all nations,” all we are doing is showing up, snapping a few photos to show our friends, and leaving and going back to our comfortable homes with electricity and beds.
I wish I could say that over the course of the past few weeks after God rocked my world with this moment that I have figured out a balance but actually He continues to wreck my world in deeper levels with the same question.
Now don't get me wrong, I love what I am doing and I would not change anything that has happened in these last 8 months. None of this would have been brought up without me being here, and God has changed my perspective on missions and I know God has used me in the Race up until now, I have no doubt in that, but I continue to strive to share and radiate Christ in all I do.
