Identity – some would call that your personality, some would say “it’s just who you are,” but trying to define yourself by someone else’s standards will just lead to you always trying to improve yourself because someone else wants you to. Being a westerner, we are practically brainwashed to fit into this mold of “perfection” that society has created for us. I was trying to fit that mold and it was destroying every square inch of me. I was always trying to fit in, in every circumstance which actually only led me to being more confused and more desperate to try and fit into the person that I will never become. My identity needs to be in my Creator and nowhere else. It was funny how God pursued me this month as we were working in bars ministering to the women. These women don’t know who they are; they are forced to be an object and are told how to act. These women don’t know their true identities, and neither do I; yet it worked out perfectly because God is perfect in all that He does.
As a Christian, you are constantly told and constantly reading about God’s love for His children (aka- you and me) sometimes we get to a point where we really don’t think about it because we are just told over and over again that His love is there, and that we are worthy and accepted by Him. Then when you are feeling down you just try and speak those things into yourself because that is what we are told is truth. WELL…
I had enough! I was tired of filling my brain with empty words. I am wasting my breath trying to speak life into myself when I don’t believe a word of it. I reached a point towards the end of the month where I was sick of it. I was constantly told to just allow God to love me and I thought that if I told myself enough times that maybe it would happen and it didn’t! God loves us 100% no matter what, and He cares about us just as much so I told Him how I was feeling. I didn’t feel His love, and I didn’t think I was accepted by Him. I basically felt like He didn’t care about me, and He really didn’t care about how I was feeling or what I was going through. So instead of trying to hide those thoughts from Him, which is impossible, I just told Him everything I felt about Him and what He was doing in my life. Three hours later, dang, did I feel good! Let’s be real, I am not going to scare God with my words or thoughts towards Him, because well, He IS God after all and He also already knows my thoughts, so why not just push my pride aside and tell Him. I felt so much freedom in that, and trusted Him that His word is truth and that He would answer my prayers. Those thoughts I had were lies and I know that, but I had nothing else besides them to go off of. He does not want me to feel those things and I thank Him more and more each and every day that He really does pour His love out to me daily. Things are changing, and I’m excited to where He is taking me.
I still need $2200 by January 1st in order for God to continue taking me through this journey on the World Race. If it’s on your heart to support me financially or through prayer, I welcome that completely and am so grateful for you. (You can give by clicking the “Support Me” tab on the left hand side of this page.)
‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and soul and lean not on your own understanding and in all ways He will make your paths straight.” (Not always smooth paths but straight walking with Him and striving towards Him all the time). Proverbs 3:5, comment courtesy of me.
