Holy Moments on the Toilet

 

” I have yet to be really sick on the race” I loudly and foolishly bragged to my team. I was remembering back to all the months we had been travelling. I was remembering the slight fever I had in Australia and the little sore throat I suffered in the Philippines. But really, I had no true sickness stories to tell.

And then the Sunday night of doom hit the body of Annie Rose…

 

While my story is not one to compare to many of the people on the race, it is my story nontheless and God used it to bring something new in my heart.

 

If you had asked me before that Sunday night how I was feeling about Africa and life in general I think I would have talked to you about uncertainty and no clarity. I was in a place in my life where I was hearing the voice of God but not really know how I was supposed to respond.

 

 The best way to explain it is to tell you that I’m no longer who I used to be, but I’m quite who I am going to be… so I felt stuck somewhere in the middle just feeling weird. Wondering who I am and thinking I needed to have it figured out by the end of the month. Here is a journal entry from that time.

 

 

 In the middle of all this uncertainty, I got sick. The nausea began on that Sunday night and all I could do was lie still in my bed and ask Jesus to take the pain away. (I would like to take this moment to tell you about our incredible accomodations. A rarity in Africa, we were put in a house with our own beds, running hot water, and toilets. I praise Jesus for all of these things and even more during this night of sickness.)

 

My teammate Caitlin was incredible and cared for me throughout the night. Holding my hair as I threw up and staying awake with me when I couldn’t sleep. After some hours of discomfort I found myself on the toilet listening to worship music by Misty Edwards that was playing from Caitlin’s computer. This is the song that my heart then began to sing to Jesus

 

Lord, I will seek You
On my bed, think upon You
In the day, I’ll dream of You
You’re always on my mind
With my whole heart I’ll love You
With my mind and my strength too
Waste my life searching for You
You’re always on my mind
Though I’m poor and needy, the Lord thinks upon me
Though His name is Holy, I’m always on His mind – I’m always on His mind
Though I’m weak and lowly, the Lord thinks about me
Though He’s high and lofty, I’m always on His mind – I’m always on His mind
I’m in love with god
God’s in love with me

 

Whew! What a song to hear while doubled over in pain and feeling lost in life. There were suddenly tears in my eyes and I thought about my God loving me in the middle of all this terrible sickness where I didn’t feel I could offer anything. I was certainly poor and needy. Knowing that the God of the Universe was thinking about me and loving me in that moment was an incredible feeling.

 

I was better by the next afternoon and able to eat again on the day after. But I now think about that time of sickness with a weird affection and tenderness. God allowed His love to flow over me in the silliest of circumstances; on a toilet in Africa listening to worship music. He wanted to speak His love to me and He did most powerfully. Thank you, Father for letting me know the truth about myself!