At training camp they told us that month seven is always the hardest.
It’s the midpoint of the journey where exhaustion sinks in, longings for home heighten, and the temptation to quit is the strongest.
But being told that in advance doesn’t make it any easier when it’s upon you.
The truth is I AM tired.
Home is often on my mind- frothy cappuccinos, fireside game nights with old friends, fluffy down blankets, pumpkin soup and most of all, cheese.
Up until now there was no place I wanted to be other than right here, but the last few days been a struggle. Fifty-eight hours straight on a cockroach infested bus felt like a never-ending prank; being served rice for the 213th time made irrational tears well up in my eyes.
Wallowing in self pity at debrief I stumbled across an old journal entry- it was my initial commitment to a year of abandonment. As I read it each word drove a sword into my soul.
Today, I rewrote it.
Lord, I give these 11 months to you.
I submit myself to whatever you have for me and commit myself to a year of abandonment…of hot showers, morning runs, omelets, family barbecues, weddings, coffee dates, cars and the freedom to go wherever I want whenever I want.
I surrender soft beds, personal space, consistent internet, fall leaves, parks, books, boat rides, a room to myself, colorful meals, holidays, and my family.
I leave it all behind BECAUSE YOU ARE BETTER.
You are my treasure, my King, my beloved, and my Lord.
You are all I need- my comfort and strength.
I commit my heart, attitude, and mind to you, along with my gifts, desires, and passions.
I surrender all in order to be with you and experience abundant life with the Love of my soul.
Everything and everywhere you call me to, I willingly and joyfully say yes to.
You know me- the intricacies of my heart and burdens of my soul. And you love me.
Both in life-long decisions and in moment-to-moment choices, I commit to obey you and to follow you.
And for the remaining five months, I commit be present here. Each day I commit to love and serve my teammates as you have loved and served me. I commit to speak well of others, to greet each day with joy and thankfulness, and to let only praises be on my lips.
I commit to give you my best today and every day hereafter.
Thank you for what you have done in these last few months and for all that you are going to do in those to come.
You are so good to me.
Amen.
