Who am I, who was I?
I used to be normal, I used to be alive, and I used to be like you. My children are now grown; they are in school and are living their lives. I am thankful that they are alive and able, I am thankful it is me and not them, I am thankful don't get me wrong but it is HARD. I know loneliness, I know rejection and I know what it feels like to be close to death. You see I am INFECTED; I have what you call HIV, and what I call a desolate disease, (deserted of people and in a state of lonely and bleak emptiness). People look at me with scared eyes and whispering lips, they dare not touch me for they could catch my fatality. But they don't know, I'm still me, I'm still human and they cannot contract my disease by simply giving me a hug. A HUG, a handshake, a loving smile or a word of encouragement… It has been so long.
What I would give to have my life back, to have friends who would call or family to lend a hand or simply just to visit me. But I am thankful, God is good and I know He loves me still. He keeps me going and I talk to Him every morning when I wake up and He gives me the strength to get through the day. You know one thing I have not yet told you; I am also suffering from cervical cancer, which gives me pain everyday and night. Because of the HIV infection I am unable to get treatments due to my immune system not being what it should be. They say I am living positively because I have the medicine that helps me live with the virus. But the cancer is preventing me to live life without pain and it complicates my daily routine.
I used to be alive in a physical way of speaking; now I am alive because Christ is in me and I know that when I die I will be more alive then I've ever been here in this world. And that gives me hope, which encourages me to keep going and to keep showing God's love to the people around me. Because even though they reject me they don't know what they are doing, they don't know that by rejecting me they are rejecting the one who lives in me. But I am able to forgive them and I am glad that God has given me the gift of encouragement because that's what I love to do.
My name is Susan and this is my story.
